Who are you?
by Amanda.Tavares
Summary: Soi Fon's memories get deleted. Can Yoruichi make her remember what they had? Or will Soi Fon just move on?
1. Cum Waffle

I rolled over on the cool floor. It was quite uncomfortable sleeping on the floor. That was one thought that crossed my mind. Not much thinking was going through my head though. A normal person might be thinking about yesterday maybe. The people they talked to the things they did. But I couldn't think of any of that for some reason. Maybe a normal person would think about what they where going to do today. What was I going to do? Who was I going to talk to? Did I do anything? I really couldn't remember. I thought I should know people. But for the time being I couldn't think the name of a single person I knew. That's awfully strange, surely I must know people. I rolled on to my belly and pushed up with my arms. I sneezed and white powder went everywhere. What's that stuff? I sat back on my knees and looked around. I was in a room. The curtains where drawn so it was dark. There was a bed with white sheets. It wasn't decorated or anything nothing special. I looked down at myself I was wearing a black bra and tiny black spandex shorts. Nothing but my underwear, where were my clothes? What kind of clothes did I wear? I had no idea.

I stood up to look around maybe find something to drink, then I saw it in a mirror. Was that my reflection? Short hair and two long braids, stormy grey eyes. I was small but well toned. But was this me? I had no idea. I couldn't even recognize this person staring back at me, I was scared so I reacted.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhh ." I screamed running out of the room.

I ran as fast as I could outside into the blinding light. I ran and ran, I didn't recognize this place. So many streets, houses, and buildings, it was massive. I ran through a building marked "Division 2" and burst into an office looking to hide. Instead I found a huge man with a receding hairline and a purple hood. He looked at me an instantly he seemed as though he were afraid. I don't blame him I was afraid to.

"Aaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhh!" I screamed at him, he just shrank into a corner and screamed back.

I ran out of the office and made my way to another street looking for a place to hide. That's when I saw two men in black uniforms with their faces covered walking towards me.

"Good morning Captain!" They said in unison.

I screamed. "Aaaaaggghhh Goblins!" I turned it around and ran away.

The two members of the stealth force stood in their places looking perplexed.

"Do you suppose she's been experimenting with hallucinogens?"

"Beats me." The other said.

* * *

Captain Histugaya walked though the streets of the Seireitei when he heard loud screaming. Curiously he rounded the corner and saw Soi Fon coming right at him without clothes on.

"Captain where are your clothes!" He demanded.

I looked at him for a moment a screamed again. "Aaaaaghhh goblins AND MIDGETS! Oh my God I'm in Hell. I woke up in Hell!"

Captain Histugaya took a step closer. "This isn't Hell Soi Fon what is wrong with you?"

He tried going up to her to take her into his arms but she gave him a hard shove.

"I won't fall for your trickery elf!" Then she ran away screaming.

"Elf?" Toshiro whispered looking bewildered.

I continued to run through the streets like a maze. I came to a screeching halt when I saw a couple men in a corner drinking and playing what seemed to be a dice game. Curiously I approached them.

"What are you guys doing?" I asked.

They all looked at me with terrified faces. The bald one spoke. "Uhhhh Hi Captain we weren't doing anything."

He tried to hide the alcohol bottle under his sleeve.

"Is that alcohol?"

"No no Captain of course not!"

"Can I have some?"

"We, we, were jus- Wait you want some?"

I flashed a toothy grin. "Of course I want some! What game are you guys playing?"

"My name is Ikkaku." He held out his hand.

I shook it. "I would tell you my name but I can't remember it."

"You don't know who you are?" He asked.

I took a drink from the bottle. "No clue, I just woke up this way."

"Shouldn't you go see a doctor?"

"Naw let's drink and play!"

Ikkaku smiled "Fine by me!"

We stayed like that for a while drinking and playing, until we were interrupted.

Out of thin air a tall dirk skinned woman appeared before us, she had long orchid colored hair and piercing gold eyes. All of the men bowed before her and called her "Lady Yoruichi."

"There you are Soi Fon, I've been searching the whole Seireitei for you! Toshiro said you've been running around screaming like a maniac!"

"Who the hell is Soi Fon and you the hell are you Demon?" I said backing away from her.

She looked confused. "You're Soi Fon and I'm Yoruichi, you know me!"

"No I don't, who the fuck are you? What the fuck is you doing? Who the fuck is you with? I don't know ok? I've never seen you before Demon eyes!"

Yoruichi looked genuinely hurt. How could her little Bee not even remember who she was?

She reached out and took me by the hand.

"Hey what the fuck? Get off me Demon!" I yelled.

"She looked at me with those golden eyes. "I am not a Demon, I am your friend and we have to get you to a doctor to see what's happened to you."

I protested but she basically dragged me to a place that looked a little like a hospital. I sat on a patient's table waiting. I took some chewing tobacco out of a little sack I had in my waistband and put a pinch in my lip. I stood up a grabbed an empty cup and spit into in.

"Are you chewing tobacco?" Yoruichi asked.

"Sure am." I answered.

"That is absolutely disgusting."

"Whatever cum waffle."

"Did you just call me a cum waffle?"

Just then a woman with a long braid walked in with a strange looking man with a weird thing on his head.

"Good morning Soi Fon my name is Restu Unohana and I'm in charge of this division and everything medical. This is Captain Kurotsuchi, the head of research and development. I thought he might be a little more of help because your condition seems a little more technical.

Captain Kurotsuchi came up to me, shined a flashlight in my face and started running his hands through my scalp.

"Hmm I don't see any spots where she could have been hit on the head." He said in a strangely high voice.

I pushed his flashlight out of my face. "Hey watch it fuck face!"

"What did you just call me?" He asked in his creepy voice.

"Fuck face, you know your face is fucked. It's weird and your teeth are like outside of your mouth. How did you do that?"

I started to pull my lips back to show my teeth making faces and him.

He seemed like he was in deep thought, then he whispered something to Unohana.

"Soi Fon what words come to mind when you think of your Lady Yoruichi?"

So I just spoke my mind. "First of drop the "Lady" I don't care what her parents told here she is not special and she will never make a difference in the world. And second she's a Demon and a cum waffle."

Kurotsuchi rubbed his chin. "This is a very interesting turn of events."

"What is it? What do you know?" Yoruichi exclaimed.

"I need to run a brain scan, only then can I prove what my theory is." Kurotsuchi said back.

We made a trip over to the center of research and development. We went into a small room that had a weird looking space machine. Kurotsuchi took me over to a computer and sat me down.

"Ok Soi Fon I'm going to inject you with Iodine and show you a couple of photos. After you're done your going to go into the machine for a couple of minutes alright?"

"Whatevs." I said back.

He injected me with the strange stuff and I suddenly felt really warm and cozy. I put my attention to the screen and watched.

"What are you doing?" Yoruichi asked.

"I'm exposing Soi Fon to photos taken of her and friends, comrades, fights, from her past."

"What will that do?"

"Sometimes when memory loss occurs the memories are hidden away in the state of subconscious. By showing her these pictures the fluid I injected her with will show activity in her subconscious making it clear that for some reason there is something blocking her consciousness access to her memories. There is also the latter, which is that there is no reaction in either consciousness meaning that all the memories are gone. We shall see."

Yoruichi nodded.

"Ok all done." Kurotsuchi pulled me up and took me over to the brain scanner.

I got in and laid still letting the machine rotate around me. After a few minutes it was done and I went over to a chair to sit down and spit my chew.

Kurotsuchi's machine started spitting out long pieces of paper. He grimly looked over them. Then he looked at Yoruichi.

"Come with me." He beckoned with a single finger

They walked into another room out of sight.

Kurotsuchi held the papers in his hands. "I'm afraid I have bad news."

Yoruichi's eyes narrowed.

"There was no reaction in either consciousness. All the memories are gone."

"Are you telling me she doesn't remember anything? All those years we had together she won't remember any of it?"

"None." He answered.

"But she loves me and I love her! That stuff just doesn't go away! Memories or not, she's still the same and so am I. I know she still loves me!"

"I'm sorry Yoruichi but because the slate was wiped clean it also caused her to develop a completely different personality. She isn't Soi Fon anymore. I'm sorry but she doesn't love you anymore."

Yoruichi's eyes started to fill with tears. Kurotsuchi put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

"Why is this happening?"


	2. Eat, Pray, Queef

Yoruichi exited the private room she was in with Kurostuchi. Though it had taken a minute for her to compose herself. She had decided she was going to have to rebuild her relationship with Soi Fon. That shouldn't be so hard right? Love shouldn't just die. But just because it shouldn't doesn't mean that it actually does. She looked at the barely clothed girl sitting on her chair spitting tobacco in her cup. It was true she was already different. But how different? She hadn't the chance to see yet. They just needed to spend time together. Relearning one another, building new memories.

"Be careful." Kurotsuchi chimed in. "She seems to have the personality of either an alcoholic or a rock star. Those kinds of people are highly volatile and outrageously out of control."

Yoruichi nodded, then turned to approach the small Asian girl.

"Ok Soi Fon looks like your not going to remember anything at all, so I'm going to be around helping you to relearn some stuff." Yoruichi spoke in a soothing tone.

I looked up at her. "Well that sucks, what am I supposed to do?"

"You're supposed to train new recruits today, I'll help you with that. But first we're going to get you home and into some clothes. You can't run around the Seireitei naked all day."

"Yeah I can do that! I remember how to fight! Training should be no problem!"

"Wait you remember?"

"Fighting isn't memory it's instinct, you don't lose that."

"Ok then little Bee let's go."

I spat on Yoruichi's feet. "I'm not your "little Bee", now run along pussy face."

Yoruichi rolled her eyes. "Fine after you."

We walked back to my place mostly with Yoruichi pointing at things and telling me what they were. I wasn't really paying attention though. It was as if I was experiencing being alive for the first time and I was completely in awe. I let Yoruichi lead the way because frankly I couldn't remember where I lived. We made it to my place. It was small and simple. We went into my room and Yoruichi started to dig through my closet. I got on my bed and started to jump and do flips on it.

"Weeee this is fun you gotta try this." I sang out doing a back flip.

I don't think I've seen her smile this much, maybe this is a good thing? Yoruichi thought.

Yoruichi pulled out Soul Reaper's Robes and a Captain's Haori.

"Ok you have to wear these."

I stopped doing flips and sat on the bed. "No!" I stuck out my tongue.

Yoruichi was beginning to understand what Kurotsuchi meant by "Out of control."

"But you have to wear this. It's your uniform." Yoruichi reasoned.

"No it looks gay!" I retorted.

Yoruichi sighed. "Fine what do you want to wear?"

I got up and went to the way back of my closet. I found a tight pair of jeans that had been cut off at the ankles. I slipped into them zipping them up and threading a brown belt through the loops. I began to search again and I pulled out a white collared shirt that had pockets on the chest. I put my arms in rolled up the cuffs and only did two buttons.

"Ok I'm done, now lets go lay on some assholes."

"Well first off that's not an approved uniform and secondly most of your shirt is completely open." Yoruichi argued.

"Approve these Chinese nuts bitch!" I said grabbing my crotch.

"And second my shirt is open because I'm hot."

"Seriously though I can see your bra!"

"Oh like you really care about covering up Ms. Floppy Tits, besides your just jealous you can't get your hands on this fine shit."

Yoruichi blushed. "Fine let's just go."

We walked to the Division 2 training grounds and all the new recruits were standing in neat rows. I went up to one of them and looked them straight in the eye.

"You step out."

"Yes Captain!"

I looked him up and down and then I spat chewing tobacco on his shoes. He looked bewildered.

"I just spit chewing tobacco on your shoes, what the fuck is you gonna do?"

"Ummm nothing Captain."

"Pussy!" I shoved him hard. "Now attack."

He obeyed and came at me. I blocked his punch and kicked him straight in the head. I landed on my feet and he fell over.

"Does anyone else want some more of this good shit?"

The rest of the recruits looked frightened and shook their heads. I felt a hand touch my shoulder.

"Soi Fon why don't you go to the office and do paper work with Omaeda I'll handle the training Ok?" Yoruichi offered.

"Fine!" I spat on the floor and left.

I made it to the office and when I went inside I saw the same man I had screamed at earlier this morning. He looked frightened again. I wonder why? I wasn't scared anymore. So I went straight up to him.

"You're Omaeda right?" I said pointing at him.

He began to sweat. "Yeah that's me."

I pat him on the chest. "Well it's nice to meet you again pal, I have a feeling you and I are gonna be great buddies ya know?"

"Really?" He sputtered.

I looked at him slyly. "So instead of doing all this paper work how about you and I do a little bonding?"

"Bonding?"

I pulled a bag full of weed out of my pocket and showed it to him. "Yeah just a little one on one bonding."

He gave me a devilish smile. "Well why didn't you say so? I've got a piece in my desk. Let's toke it up!"

"Let's!"

We packed bowl after bowl each of us taking hits, getting higher and higher. We were talking about nonsense and giggling like little girls and then Omaeda let out a little noise.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Sorry, just a little bit of gas."

"Dude did you just queef?"

"No I didn't queef that was just a little gas what are you talking about?"

"Dude I swear to God you just queefed."

We both started to giggle again.

"You know what we should do is decorate your queefs!" I suggested.

"You can do that?" Omaeda asked.

"Yeah it was in that book "Eat, Pray, Queef."'

"There's a book called "Eat, Pray, Queef?""

Yeah so do you want to try it or what?"

"Sure why not."

These were such stupid ideas, we were way to high. But who really gives a fuck right? I pulled out a drawer a found some glitter and ribbons. I got some paper and started to cut out stars. I handed them over to Omaeda.

"Ok now pull down your pants and shove those up there."

Omaeda obeyed. He was way to high to care about what he was doing. He took the tiny cut out stars and shoved them inside of himself.

"Ok now here's some glitter, make sure you be generous with it."

Omadea took the glitter to and put a lot in.

"Now last is the streamers they're long so shove them in there good!"

He took the streamers and struggled with them, but got them inside.

"Ok now just queef and it'll look like a surprise party!"

Omaeda grunted. "Grrrrghhh I'm trying."

I lit up another bowl and inhaled deeply. "Well try harder!"

* * *

It was dark out, the training was done and Yoruichi was making her way back to the office to take Soi Fon back home. It had been a long day for both of then and she was hoping they could go home and share a nice dinner. She made it to the office and opened the door. Then poof she was suddenly covered in glitter, streamers, and cut out stars. When all of the glitter fell to the ground she saw Omaeda's bare ass in front of her and Soi Fon laughing hysterically holding what looked like a marijuana pipe.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Yoruichi yelled.

I laughed hard. "Omaeda just blew a Queef Rocket on you!"

"Are you fucking serious Soi Fon, and what's that? Are you smoking weed?"

"So what pussy cat, it's no big deal!" I laughed.

Yoruichi marched right up to me and snatched the pipe out of my hands.

"Hey what's the big idea?"

"You were supposed to be doing work not doing drugs and shooting stars out of your vaginas and assholes!"

She grabbed my hand and started to pull me. "We're going home now!"

* * *

**Review please :)**


	3. Madea goes to Jail?

Yoruichi ruined my little party I was having with Omaeda and was currently dragging me home. I didn't appreciate it very much. She was acting as if I were her child. I was no one's child, certainly not hers, and I should be able to do whatever I wanted. Just because I was new to the world doesn't mean I need someone to babysit me. But here I am now being tugged along like a child, this is going to change fast!

We arrived at my place fairly quickly. It was dark but still early in the evening. I was seriously tired though because I was so stoned. We walked in and I immediately went into my room. I stripped off my shirt and fell into bed. Everything was happy and fuzzy. I smiled and rubbed my face into the pillow. Yoruichi came and sat down on the bed next to me and started to massage my naked back.

"How was your first day? Are you feeling alright?" She asked.

I looked up at her, I was still high. "Hey why is your skin so dark? Are you one of those things called Negros?"

She glared at me. "No I'm not black. And don't call people Negros that's an extremely racist thing to say."

I pushed her over and climbed on top of her straddling her hips. I started pulling her cheeks and playing with her face.

"Are you sure? You look black to me. Why is your hair that color? Are into phsycadelics? Have you seen Madea goes to jail? Do you like soul food? Are you a Tyler Perry fan? Are you Madea?"

She grabbed my wrists and took my hands away from her face right after I stuck one of my fingers up her nose. She was currently a deep shade of red.

"No! No! No! To all of your stupid questions!"

I ignored her and leaned in dangerously close until our noses were touching.

"I think you're lying. I think you ARE Madea. So how was jail sister?"

Yoruichi frowned and opened her mouth as if she were going to retort something. But instead she did something I didn't, no, couldn't understand. She closed her eyes and leaned into me brushing her lips against mine. I pulled back a second, or maybe two after our lips touched.

"What the hell are you doing Madea? I think you need to go back to jail!" I said rubbing my mouth.

Yoruichi threw me off of her and I fell back landing on the pillows and blankets. She wasted no time and swiftly got up from the bed. Her face was beet red and she looked furious.

"You know your- you-you-ju-you-just-God you're so stupid sometimes!" She yelled.

She left the room in a huff and slammed the door behind her.

Yoruichi marched to Soi Fon's spare room where she would be staying. She was annoyed but extremely turned on. She closed her door and started to get ready for bed. Why had Soi Fon gotten on top of her like that? So close, and she didn't even have a shirt on. But the bigger question was why had Yoruichi tried to kiss her so soon. She knew now that she was reading Soi Fon's actions all wrong. Soi Fon wasn't flirting she was just being a high idiot. Yoruichi got into bed and sighed. She just needed more time.

* * *

I stared at the door Yoruichi had slammed. What a weirdo. What was she so mad about suddenly? And what was it she tried to do when we were on the bed? No fucking clue I guess. My high was wearing off and I wasn't so tired anymore. In fact I actually wanted some booze, like now! I got up from the bed and picked up my shirt. I shrugged it on not bothering to button it. I went to the window and opened it. The cool air washed over me, it was a full moon. I smiled the night was mine!

I walked the streets of the Seireitei looking for a good time. I got lucky when I came across a bar called Rich's when I entered it was crowded and the music was pumping. I was going to just drink at the bar by myself when I spotted one of my new friends. Ikkaku was sitting at a crowded table full of other soul reapers. I decided I should go over and be friendly.

"What's up asshole!"

Ikkaku turned his head to look at me. His face immediately lit up.

"What's up Soi? I'm so glad you're here! Sit down with us please!"

Ikkaku introduced me to a few of the guys one was my own lieutenant and the other lieutenant was named Renji. We started ordering lots of alcohol. I had to catch up since I arrived late so I kept a whole rum bottle to myself. We were having a good time playing dice telling stories and getting drunk.

After two hours I was pretty faded, but I was still drinking.

"I think we should take it up a level." Renji said with a wink.

"What do you mean?" I asked swaying a little.

"Just watch." Renji whistled to a couple girls across the bar who looked like total prostitutes.

Renji held up a wad of cash in the air and waved it at them. The girls smiled and made their way over to us. The one that looked like the leader spoke to Renji first.

"How may we help you boys tonight?" She said sweetly with a wink.

Renji smiled back and slipped the wad of cash into her thong that was showing above her skirt. "My friends and I were looking for a little entertainment from you and your girlfriends tonight."

"We can definitely provide that for you sweetie." She then pushed Renji's head back aggressively and straddled him.

The other girls took this as a sign to proceed. A girl with tan skin and long black hair walked up to me.

"Hi my name is Destiny." She smiled and took a seat on my lap.

Ugh of course her name is Destiny. She was awfully aggressive to. She didn't even ask to sit down. She took advantage of the fact that my shirt was open. She pushed my collar back over my shoulders and ran her hands all over my chest and stomach.

I closed my eyes and leaned back, I was going to enjoy this. I was surprised when I felt her press her soft lips against mine. I blushed. This kind of felt like earlier when I was with Yoruichi. Was this the kind of stuff Yoruichi wanted to do to me? I couldn't think about it in depth, I was really drunk and the girl sucking on my neck was distracting me.

I came out of my trance when Destiny tugged me by my collar. "I want to show you something." She whispered on my lips.

"What's that?" I slurred.

She got up from my lap and tugged my hand. "Come with me."

"What about my friends?"

"They're occupied honey."

I looked around and it was true. Each of them had a girl on their lap and they seemed lost in their own worlds.

I looked back at Destiny. "Ok I'll go."

She took my hand and led me out a back exit into an alley. The cold air hit my hot body creating a sting.

"So what do you-."

She cut me off by slamming me against the dirty wall, biting and sucking on my neck. I let a slight moan escape my lips.

"I don't usually do this for free." She whispered harshly moving to my lips as she aggressively tore my shirt.

"But, you're just so…." She sucked on my lower lip.

Then she let go. "….So sexy."

She put her hands on my shoulders and shoved my to the ground. I was so drunk I had no control over what was happening. That's when I noticed she was undoing my belt. I was completely under her power.

She started to tug on my zipper. "Wha-what what are you doing?" I gasped.

She looked me in the eye and smiled at me mischievously. "I'm going to make you feel good."

I said nothing more. I just leaned back and gasped for air.

* * *

I was standing now, buckling my belt. Destiny was looking at herself in a compact mirror and putting lipstick on. She pulled out a little card put her lips to it, and then she slipped it into my bra strap.

"Just in case you need me again." She blew me a kiss and then she walked out of the alley.

I took the card and looked at it. In case I need her again? Whet just happened anyway? Did I even want that to happen? It's not like she asked me if she could, but it's not like I said no either. I feel kind of guilty. Would this make Yoruichi upset? Maybe I shouldn't tell her.

I put the card back in my wallet and walked back into the bar. I looked for my table and I found my friends. All the girls were gone and they had noticed I had gone somewhere.

"Where the hell did you go Soi Fon?" Ikkaku asked.

"I bet you got a little trick for a treat in the alley didn't you?" Renji said slyly.

I laughed a little. "Yeah something like that."

"Lucky bitch!" Omaeda laughed.

We all laughed and ordered some drinks to go.

We were walking the streets drinking, laughing and yelling when we came up to Old Man Yamamoto's house.

"Look what I have!" Renji pulled out a can of spray paint and tossed it over to me.

"You do it." He giggled.

I took the can and started to spray large letters on the side of the wall. After I was done you could clearly read the words "Cum in your mouth" written on the side of the building.

Omaeda took out something and started to blow it up. It was a blow up doll.

"Ok I dare one of you to sneak this one into bed with Yamamoto."

"That'll be me." Ikkaku said pointing to himself.

We all put rags over our faces and snuck up to the entrance. Ikkaku took the doll and went inside as quietly as possible and we all waited as he disappeared. It had only beed five minutes when Ikkaku came running out with a blast of fire following him.

We all tried to run but got caught in the blast getting burnt in the process. We ran away into the night yelling and screaming.

* * *

**Review please, k thanks byeeee!**


	4. Cookie Jar

**_I like girls_**

**_They like me_**

**_They look so good_**

**_In they seven jeans_**

**_Want you to be the one_**

**_And my only_**

**_I want to be faithful_**

**_But I can't keep my hands _**

**_Out the cookie jar_**

**_Can't keep my hands_**

**_My hands, my, my hands_**

**_My hands out the cookie jar_**

I was sleeping on something hard, and my arms were hanging over it. This definitely wasn't my bed. It wasn't comfortable at all. I felt stiff. I shifted a little and I instantly felt pain all over, especially in my head. I was close to being awake. That's when the faded memories started coming back from last night. I had drank way too much. I was hanging out with the guys. Then we vandalized Yamamoto's house and he almost killed us. I hope to God he didn't see my face, I was wearing a rag after all so hopefully not. And then there was that prostitute. What was her name? Something really cliché. I think it was Destiny? That's right! She gave me her card. Then the memory of what we did hit me and I instantly felt the guilt wash over. I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong. What if Yoruichi found out?

"What the hell are you doing on the coffee table?"

I turned and looked over my shoulder. Yoruichi was staring at me with her hands on her hips.

"Umm well I don't know, I guess I was sleeping here." I mumbled

"Why would you sleep on a table?"

"Well when I got home I guess I just passed out here."

"You went out last night?" She looked mad.

I grounded myself. "Yes I did, and that's none of your concern." I said with authority in my voice.

She walked over and flipped me over so that my back was on the table and started to examine me.

"Where did all these burn holes in your shirt come from?" She asked putting her finger through a hole.

"Nowhere." I gulped.

Then Yoruichi's eyes went wide and she pointed to my lower stomach.

"What the fuck is that?" She yelled.

I looked down at myself. "Shit!"

"I-It's nothing." I pleaded.

"Liar! You have lipstick marks on your crotch and hickeys all over your neck!"

"That's not what they are, I can explain!"

"Did you have sex last night?" She pointed an accusing finger at me.

"Well you see Renji got these prostitutes but it wasn't my fault-."

"You had sex with prostitute? You are disgusting Soi Fon!" She hit me over the head with a magazine.

"Ow!" SMACK! "It wasn't…" SMACK, SMACK! "My fault!" SMACK!

"I can't believe you would do such a thing like that, did you even think about me?"

Why would I think about her? I looked up at her and even though she was yelling I could see tears starting to pour from her golden eyes. Why would she cry over something like this? It's not like we're together.

"Why does it matter? You ARE NOT my girlfriend!"

She immediately stopped. She looked entirely speechless. She opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but instead she let out a sob. Then the tears started to pour. She covered her face with her arm ashamed to look at me. What did I say? I tried to reach for her and tell her I was sorry put she shoved me away and ran out the front door.

I sat on the coffee table dumbfounded. What did I do?

* * *

**_You see I've got this problem _**

**_I need help tryna solve it_**

**_Cause meeting after meeting and _**

**_I'm still a cookie whore_**

**_You can hide them, I'mma find them_**

**_On the counter, in the closet_**

**_And I'll say I ain't do it with my_**

**_Face covered in chocolate_**

**_My girl be setting booby traps_**

**_To catch me eating Scooby snacks_**

**_I left crumbs in the bed once_**

**_But I told her I was through with that_**

**_She still don't be believing me_**

**_And I guess that I'm cool with that_**

**_But I got a sweet tooth that'll _**

**_Never come loose_**

**_And the truth of the matter is…._**

**_I like girls _**

**_They like me_**

**_They look so good_**

**_In they seven jeans_**

**_Want you to be my one_**

**_And my only_**

**_I want to be faithful _**

**_But I can't keep my hands_**

**_Out the cookie Jar_**

* * *

Yoruichi ran out of the house and into the streets of the Seireitei covering her face so that no one would see her tears. She wandered a little until she settled down into a corner and let the tears flow. She pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her face to hide her crying. She stayed there for a little while crying to herself until a single redhead came along and caught her attention.

Renji was walking around when he came across Yoruichi who was whimpering in a corner. He approached her casting his shadow over her.

"Aww hey what's wrong kitty?" He tried to nudge her with one of his fingers but she hissed at him.

"Ok angry kitty."

Yoruichi sniffled. "What do you want?"

"I came to see what's bothering you. You look pretty pathetic crying in a corner like that. I thought "The Flash Master" is supposed to be a little tougher than that."

Yoruichi wiped her tears. "Yeah you're probably right."

"So what IS bothering you?" Renji asked.

She looked at her hands. "Soi Fon had sex with a prostitute last night."

Renji made a face. "You're seriously upset because she had sex with someone?"

"Yeah I guess I am."

"Yoruichi, you can't just get all strung up because Soi Fon had sex with someone. You guys weren't together before she lost her memories, so she's free to have relations with whomever she pleases and you're not allowed to get made about that."

"Yeah but we weren't not together either, and I still have really strong feelings for her so it still hurts ok?"

"Well if it helps, I was there. That girl completely took advantage of Soi Fon. She was way to drunk and had no idea what was going on. So don't blame her, blame the hooker."

Yoruichi drew in a deep breath. "Yeah I guess I can do that."

"Alright you should probably go back now Soi Fon will be wondering where you went."

Yoruichi got up and composed herself. "Ok I'll see you later."

* * *

I was trying my best to cook something called an omelet when I heard the front door open. I assumed it was Yoruichi because I didn't know of anyone else who would just walk straight into my house.

I was trying to flip the damn thing when I felt two arms snake around my waist, pulling me close. It was Yoruichi. She put her face in my neck nuzzling it.

"Mmm Hey." She whispered

My entire body went rigid. I felt incredibly nervous when she touched me like this, though I had no idea why.

I loosened myself from her hold and turned around holding out a plate.

"This is for you."

She smiled looking at me fondly. "You made me breakfast?"

I was getting annoyed with her playing cute.

"Yes I did Pussy Face, now are you going to eat it or not?"

She smiled and took the plate from me. "Thanks Bee."

Why the hell was she always calling me that stupid pet name? I hated it.

I grumbled grabbing my own plate I moved to the table with Yoruichi.

"I seriously need to eat, I drank too much, have been burned and penetrated." I said sitting down.

"Yeah you sure did have a rough night." Yoruichi said back.

Weird she didn't seem upset anymore, oh well.

"Soi Fon I was thinking it would be good for you to see your mom today!" Yoruichi said.

"My mom?" I asked.

"Yes, surely you must have thought that you have family."

"Actually no I haven't thought about that yet." I admitted.

"Well I already arranged it and we're having lunch with her today." Yoruichi smiled.

"Ok what's she like?"

Yoruichi stuttered a little. "Well uh umm err you- you'll just see for yourself!"

"OK!"

We ate our food and I silently wondered what my mother was like.

* * *

**Ok so I'm writing this chapter and the next back to back feel free to review or follow or whatever you like. And PS If you have nothing constructive to say don't say it :)**


	5. China Hell

We finished our breakfast in silence. I let Yoruichi clean because that obviously wasn't my sort of deal. I busied myself looking at family photo albums. My father had apparently died many years ago. It's not like it bothered me though, I couldn't remember him anyways. It seemed like everyone in my family looked the same. Dark black hair, and stormy grey eyes. My mother looked shorter than be, if that was even possible. She had a short bowl cut and wore red lipstick. In most of the pictures she was wearing flowery moo moos. Was that all she wore?

"Alright I think it's time to go!"

Yoruichi stood in my doorway smiling. I got up from my bed and closed the photo album. I grabbed a black jacket and put it on.

"Ok let's go." I said zipping up my jacket slightly.

We walked the streets of the Seireitei and then out of the Eastern gate and into the Rukon District. We walked through the crowded streets until we came across a small house that had "Fon" marked clearly by the door. I didn't know what to expect so I lit up a cigarette and waited for Yoruichi to do something.

"Alright this is it!" She smiled at me and then knocked on the door three times.

The door cracked slightly and I could see a little eye looking at us through the crack. The door shut and the opened again fully. Then something came at me fast hitting me over the head. It was my mom beating me over the head with a newspaper.

"Ow-Mom…-Hey-Stop it-Ow!"

"Soi Fon why you smoke the cigarette Soi Fon?"

She proceeded to take the cigarette out of my mouth and burn me on the neck with it. I howled in pain.

"Ow Ma why'd you do that?"

"Soi Fon yo fatha rest in peace so ashame of you."

"Dad can't be ashamed of me he isn't alive anymore."

"Daddy Fon upstair lookin down on you Soi Fon, you so bad. You said you come ova to spen time wit me den you neva come."

"I'm sorry Mom something happened and I lost all of my memories, I must have forgotten."

She hit me again. "Dat's cuz you do da drug Soi Fon! I know you tricky dicky you do da drug!

"No mom I didn't do the drug."

"An- An den you drinka the whisky an you show da boobie to da men. You such a slut Soi Fon! Yo fatha roll in da grave!

"Well isn't that great? It's so nice to see you again Ms. Fon!"

My mother turned her attention to Yoruichi. "Oh yes so lovely to see you Yoruichi, you look so pretty. So glad you came with scum bag."

I glared at her. Who was she calling scum bag? I happened to be a very successful Captain!

"So where would you like to eat Ms. Fon?" Yoruichi asked.

My mother put a finger up to her chin. "Hmmm Ms. Fon want burga!"

"That's a great idea, there's a place nearby we should walk there!" Yoruichi exclaimed.

My mother got her purse and put on some ridiculous looking sunglasses. Before we left she gave me a dirty look.

"Ok we go. Button your shirt you look like cheap hooka."

I sighed a buttoned up my shirt. Who knew my mother was a crazy woman?

We walked a few steets down the Rukon District until we came to a small burger shack. I was going to go order but my mother insisted, which I didn't think was such a good idea because her English was very spotty.

"Hello?"

"Yes hello may I take your order?"

"Hey don't yell at me you know, you need to take a chill pill you know. Alright I want burga."

"Ok which burger ma'am?"

"Yeah burga, hamburga."

"Yeah which one? We got the burger deluxe, the double patty melt, the big jack and the mini-slider."

"Yeah ok I want five."

"Five what?"

"Hamburga!"

"Ma'am please tell me which burger."

"Yeah ok five burga and a nugget."

"Chicken nuggets?"

"Nugget! Come on you need to know menu betta!"

"I don't understand your order!

* * *

I looked at Yoruichi. "This is a disaster! I hate being Asian, please just kill me now!"

"Oh come on she's not that bad." Yoruichi reasoned.

"Not that bad? She can't even speak English!"

"Well I guess she could use a few lessons." Yoruichi sighed.

* * *

"Ok I tell you one mo time I tell you eva-ting. I wanna five burger, choco milk, and nugget kay? Now you no pay attention!"

"I am paying attention but you-!"

"Ok, ok I come trough now."

She walked forward to the pick up window.

"Ok hey lady you got the deluxe, you got the double patty, you got the mini-sliders, which burger do you want?"

"Who the hell are you?"

"I'm trying to take your order!"

"Ok now you no need to yell at me Mr. Jackass in box! Ok I already tell my orda to bozo in dere."

"That bozo was me!"

"Oh hi bozo!"

"Lady what is your problem?

"I tell you ok my problem is I give my orda to you but I can't understand you, you know."

"Mother of God woman just tell me what kind of burger you want!"

"Ok I tell you the Hamburger."

"Yes?"

"And it looka like da burga?"

"They all look like burgers! Which one? Which one?"

"Not one, five."

"Five of what kind?"

"Hamburger."

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! Hey lookie here's a deluxe, hey lookie a double patty, hey lookie a mini slider. You know what? It's been great working with ya blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!"

"It work every time free burger for Ms. Fon!"

My mother picked up our free burgers and we sat down to eat.

"Mom you really shouldn't harass people like that to get free stuff." I said

"Ms. Fon harass no one, it business!"

I sighed and took another bite of my burger.

"Thank you for dinner , it was very nice of you to treat us." Yoruichi thanked her.

"Of course Yoruichi, I have not seen you in so long. Soi Fon don't bring you around no more."

"Well I assure you I will be around!"

"Soi Fon why you hide Yoruichi from Ms. Fon?"

"Huh? Well I don't know I guess we just don't hang out that much anymore."

"I see alternative lifestyle, she the cat and you the transgender."

"I am not a transgender Mom!"

"Yeah but your hair so short like the boy and the boobie so small."

I looked down grumbling.

"So what you been doing Soi Fon?" My mother questioned.

"Getting drunk and having sex!" I blurted out.

Yoruichi looked stunned.

My mother took her glasses off and glared at me. "You gonna go to China Hell Soi Fon!"

"Oh really and what does China Hell look like?"

"White rice is black and Hello Kitty is monsta, and she eat your soul!"

Yoruichi started waving her hands. "Oh hey, yeah it's been really fun Ms. Fon but Soi and I have to go now!"

My mother looked back at Yoruichi. "Oh of course Yoruichi, so nice to see you!

My mom looked back at me. "Carry on gay girl."

Then she left. I looked at Yoruichi.

"My mother loves you more than me!"

"That's not true she just has a special way of loving you."

"Right I really feel the love when she calls me a slut."

Yoruichi stood up and held out her hand. "Come on there's somewhere I want to show you."

I looked up at her hesitating. Then I lightly put my hand in her palm. Her fingers closed over my hand and she pulled me to my feet.

"Let's go."

Then we were off running at high speeds. She was pretty much pulling me because I was not as fast as she was. When we stopped we were in some sort of clearing surrounded by blooming Sakura trees. This place seemed familiar to me but I couldn't put a finger on it. Yoruichi pulled me to sit on the ground, not letting go of my hand.

"This is our place." She said not looking at me. She gazed at the falling blossoms.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

She gazed down at me with her deep golden eyes. "Back when I first met you, you were only a teenager. We used to come here a lot together. This is where I promised you that we'd always be together."

"Well it looks like it worked." I said. "Here we are still together."

"Yeah, but I broke that promise." She let go of my hand and looked down, her bangs covering her face.

"How so?" I asked.

"I left you alone for over 100 years and I didn't come back until recently." She still refused to look at me.

"Why did you leave?"

"It's really complicated and messed up."

"Oh that sounds tough."

"You hated me. The first time I came back you tried to kill me."

"I did?"

Yoruichi laughed a little. "I guess I deserved it though. What I did was horrible. It was hands down the biggest mistake I have ever made. I know I don't deserve to be forgiven, but I just I just hope that maybe you won't hate me-

"Shhh." I had crawled up to her and pressed my fingers against her lips. She looked up at me in confusion.

"I was trying to apologize."

"I know. It's ok I don't hate you. And I think you're blaming yourself way too much. You're here now. You came back and that should be all that matters. So cut yourself some slack ok?"

She smiled and threw her arms over me, pulling me onto her lap. She held me close cradling me in her arms. That nervousness returned and I felt my whole body get hot. She ran a delicate hand through my hair and stopped to caress my right cheek. I squirmed a little, it made me go crazy when she touched me like this. She leaned down and kissed me lightly on the forehead. I turned bright crimson.

"God I missed you so much Soi Fon." She whispered against my skin.

Her words were soothing and I relaxed a little in her hold. I tucked my head underneath her chin and lay my head against her chest, breathing in her scent.

"If I was really that angry I must have missed you a lot."

"You must have." She mumbled

I sighed deeply and grabbed Yoruichi's jacket snuggling myself deeply into her embrace. She rocked me back and forth whispering sweet songs into my ear. It wasn't long before I slowly started to drift to sleep.

I wish this moment would never end.

* * *

**So keep reading because I promise you more fluff ahead! :)**


	6. I do the Butt?

I opened my eyes and looked up at the white ceiling. I was slightly confused. The last thing I remembered was dozing off in Yoruichi's arms while we were in the Sakura grove. I took a minute to remember her strong arms wrapped tightly around me. Her slow steady breath on my skin. The way she carefully ran her hand through my hair. Her soft voice in my ear. I have to admit I was a little disappointed I didn't wake up the same way I fell asleep. I heard loud knocking at the door, so I rolled out of bed to go check it out.

I opened my door and saw Yoruichi opening the front door and talking to someone. The person must be shorter than Yoruichi because I could hear them but I wasn't able to see them. I walked over to see who is was and I recognized the small white haired boy as the midget I ran into on my first day.

"HI YOU MUST BE SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER RIGHT?" I asked in a very loud voice.

The boy looked confused. Maybe he wasn't Santa's friend. Maybe he was someone else's pet elf.

"Good morning Soi Fon, he's small not deaf." Yoruichi said nudging me in the ribs.

The little man held out his hand. "Toshiro Hitsugaya."

I shook his hand lightly. "Wow"

"Anyway as I was saying I'm going to the world of the living to meet an informant and I thought it might be nice if you came and brought Soi Fon along to visit Ichigo and so that Soi Fon could experience the real world for the first time." Toshiro offered.

"That's so nice of you to invite us, we'd love to go! We'll stay at Kisuke's yes?" Yoruichi suggested.

"I was thinking the same thing. I'll see you at the Senkaimon in two hours." Toshiro dismissed himself and left us.

Yoruichi closed the door and looked at me. "Get dressed we have an exciting day today!"

She ruffled my hair and then gave me a light kiss on the cheek. I blushed slightly and went to my room to dress.

* * *

In two hours we were dressed and waiting for Toshiro at the gate.

Toshiro was right on time and we left promptly. We arrived in Kisuke's shop a minute later everyone sat down in the living room to eat and watch T.V. Yoruichi and Kisuke went into another room to have tea together. That left me in the room with Jinta, Ururu, and Toshiro. Toshiro had a bag with him and he seemed to be searching through its contents. I didn't want my time here to totally blow and I had a feeling I could break him.

"Psst Toshiro!"

He looked up. "What"

"How old are you?"

"Old enough."

"Hmm good, good."

"Tell me Toshiro have you ever been with a woman?"

Toshiro dropped his bag and his face went red.

"That is none of your business!" He snapped.

I slid over next to him on the couch and put my arm around his shoulders.

"Toshiro, Toshiro, I'm not trying to mock you or embarrass you. I'm only trying to help. I can see you're a man of passion and I want others to share that passion with you." I soothed.

"Well I-I guess I haven't actually been with a woman fully." Toshiro admitted looking down.

"Toshiro what if I told you I could get a woman to come down here (I placed my hand over his crotch) tonight?"

"You could do that for me?" He asked.

I winked at him. "Meet me a the suit shop on 30th street at 4."

"OK." He whispered.

* * *

I left my little conversation with Toshiro hanging and went to lunch with Yoruichi and a ginger kid named Ichigo. I immediately decided he was my new favorite person so I made sure he was going to meet me at the suite shop as well.

When we got back to Kisuke's I went upstairs to my room and locked the door. I opened my suitcase and transferred three packages into a small duffle bag. I checked myself in the mirror and ruffled my hair a little and put on some shades. I needed a plan to get past Yoruichi and I had the perfect idea.

I went downstairs and saw that Yoruichi was relaxing in cat form on a pillow. Duffle bag in hand I tried to creep past her.

"Where are you going Soi Fon?" Yoruichi asked in a deep voice.

I stopped and turned around. She left me no choice.

I walked over to her and picked her up.

"Soi Fon what are you-?"

"1..2…3 AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!"

I threw Yoruichi high into the air so she would hit the ceiling. She put out her legs and extended her claws, clinging upside down to the ceiling.

"Soi Fon get me down now!"

"Just let go." I smiled.

"No I'll fall! Get me down!"

"Dueces."

I ran out the door leaving her hanging. I walked out to the street with a crowbar and approached a black mid sized Honda. I looked around and then BAM I shattered the window. I opened the door and pulled out the wires. I stripped the rubber off the red and blue wires and then touched them together. The car started and I smiled.

I drove a while until I made it to the local China Town. I parked the car. And walked inside one of the Chinese strip clubs. I walked past the bar and poles and into the back.

When I got there I saw a tiny Asian man on a lush couch surrounded by all of his goons whom were carrying semi automatic weapons.

I threw my bag on the floor. "I think you might want this."

The tiny man laughed. " have everything, what do you have?"

"Look in the bag." I said.

One of the goons brought him my bag. He looked at my packages and laughed.

"Hahaha you want to sell 3 kilo coke? That's nothing"

"Look I just want compensation that's all."

"Sure thing twinkle tits I give you 20k."

"That's a little low don't you think?"

"Fine 20k and my Rolex watch."

I smiled. "Deal"

I got my compensation and I headed out, it was time for me to meet Ichigo and Toshiro.

I drove fast and I made it to the suit shop on time. Toshiro and Ichigo were waiting for me.

"What's up?" Ichigo asked.

I held out a card. "This is your fake ID."

"Sweet."

"What are we doing here?" Toshiro asked.

"Getting our gear on!" I answered.

We went in, got sized, and picked out suites.

"Soi Fon these are 1,200 $ suites." Ichigo stated.

I threw out some cash. "I got it covered!"

"I really like mine!" Toshiro exclaimed.

"Good, but first we gotta get you waxed." I said.

"Waxed?"

"Yes! If you're gonna get a girl you need to be soft and smooth, not weird and hairy."

"Does Ichigo wax?"

"I sure do." Ichigo lied.

"Ok let's get a wax." Toshiro affirmed.

We entered a Chinese wax salon. A small Asian woman greeted us.

"Wax?" She asked.

"Ball wax." Ichigo corrected.

"Oh ok. I do da butt?" She asked.

"Yes do the butt." I agreed.

Toshiro shook his head. "Wait what's going to happen to my butt?"

We walked into the waxing room and Toshiro stripped to his boxers.

"Come Toshiro take those off." Ichigo commanded.

"Not in front of you." Toshiro argued.

"Just show us your penis!" I demanded.

Toshiro complied and pulled down his boxers.

I rubbed my chin. "Not bad, it'll look bigger after the wax."

The waxer came in the room and we stepped out. Then we heard Toshiro scream.

"FUCK SHIT DAMN MOTHER FUCKER!"

"Do you suppose I should tell him I don't wax?" Ichigo asked.

"COCK SUCKING ASSHOLE!"

I smiled. "Nah."

"AAAaaaaaaaagggghhhhh MICHAEL SCOTT!"


	7. Tossing Salad

Toshiro came out of the waxing room holding his crotch and looking very much in pain.

"My crotch and anus are bleeding!" He whined.

I patted him on the back. "We'll get you on some ice soon just hang in there."

Ichigo was trying to hold in his laughter.

"Why did you tell her to wax my asshole?" Toshiro asked.

"Well you never know what some girls are into you know?"

"No I don't know. What kinds of things?"

"Like tossing salad." I suggested.

"Having lunch?" Toshiro questioned.

"No, that's not what tossing salad means." I corrected.

"What does it mean?"

Ichigo started to laugh. "It's when someone eats your asshole."

"No! I do not want someone to try to tear off my asshole!" Toshiro exclaimed.

"Stupid eating asshole doesn't mean someone actually tries to munch on your corn hole it means this-."

Ichigo put his hands up and started to make licking motions and weird moves with his tongue.

"People do that to other people's assholes?" Toshiro asked.

"They sure do." I answered.

"Do you like getting your salad tossed Ichigo?" Toshiro inquired.

"I sure do!" Ichigo lied again.

"What other kinds of stuff do people do?"

"Well you could try a Brazilian Blaze."

"What's a Brazilian Blaze?"

"That one is when you light a girl's bush on fire and then you put it out with your cum."

"What's cum?"

"Ok let's go back to Kisuke's."

Ichigo spat out in laughter. "What's cum? Hahahahahahaha!"

* * *

We got back to Urahara's shop and we had Toshiro shove some ice in his pants. We all sat down in front of the T.V. passing time until night came.

Yoruichi came in the room while we were hanging out looking furious with her hands on her hips.

"Shaolin Fon!" She yelled my birth name.

The whole room went silent.

She glared at me. "I was hanging on that damn ceiling for 45 minutes! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Umm sorry you decided to be a cat instead of a dog?"

She walked up to me and smacked me over the head hard.

"Pull that again and I'll scratch you..hard!"

She turned on her heel and marched out of the room.

Ichigo looked at me. "Ooooo your girlfriend is going to scratch you, you guys like it rough?"

"Shut up! She's not my girlfriend. And it's 8 we should get ready."

Ichigo and Toshiro agreed and we went upstairs to change.

I had a black Hugo Boss suit, I wore a plain white dress shirt that I left open, exposing my chest. Ichigo and Toshiro both got Itailian suites. Ichigo wore and orange dress shirt and Toshiro wore black on black.

We were ready to go, but I knew getting past Yoruichi again was going to be a problem. So I had Ichigo help me by getting something.

We all walked downstairs looking our best. Yoruichi was lounging again in her cat form and of course she noticed us.

"Where in the hell are you all going?" Yoruichi demanded.

"You got it Ichigo?"

"Yup"

Ichigo held a small bucket of water.

I walked over to Yoruichi and picked her up by the scruff.

"Soi Fon put me down now!" She tried to scratch me but I had her by the back.

I walked over to the bucket and threw her in. She landed with a splash. I put a lid on it so she couldn't get out.

"Assholes let me out of here now. Dammit Soi Fon I'm going to scratch your face!"

I smiled. "Ok boys let's go!"

They smiled and followed me out to my stolen car.

It took us a little while but we finally made it to downtown Tokyo. We went into one of the biggest and most popular clubs called Muse.

We started off with cocktails and worked our way to shots and liquor on the rocks. We kept drinking until we were at the point that we were not going to be making good decisions.

Just when I was losing all my good sense two familiar people approached us at the bar.

"Well if it isn't Ichigo, and the captains of squad ten and two. What a treat."

It was Sosuke Aizen and Gin Ichimaru.

"What are you doing here?" I hiccupped.

"Same as you, having a good time." Aizen spoke.

"Girls! I want girls!" Toshiro yelled over the loud music

"Welll your in luck we have plenty of girls in our V.I.P. booth. Why don't you join us?" Ichimaru offered.

I had to think about something. Without alcohol in this equation, there would be a stand off. Myself, Toshiro, and Ichigo would fight Aizen and Ichimaru. Things would break and the people would scream and run away. But alcohol was in the equation so fuck it right?

"Sure we'll join you!" I slurred.

We walked up some stairs to a balcony that overlooked the entire club. The area had large couches with fluffy pillows and two private strippers.

We sat down with Ichimaru and Aizen and ordered drinks.

"I have a surprise for you all." Aizen pulled out a bag from his blazer.

He poured some of it's contents on the table as a stripper danced in front of us. Cocaine. He offered me a one hundred dollar bill. I rolled it up, bent over and did a line. I finished and handed the bill to Ichigo. Toshiro just stared at the girls.

"You now we had an assembly last week at school about not doing this kind of stuff." Ichigo said looking at the bill.

I gave him a disapproving look.

He rolled the bill. "Well fuck it."

He bent over and did a line.

After a couple of minutes we were all flying high. The music was pumping and we were sweating and dancing with some young hot girls. The whole thing was just a blurr, the faces the lights, the drinks. I think at one point Aizen put his face in my boobs and I swore I saw Toshiro having sex in the lounge.

We left after a while and headed back to Karakura taking Aizen and Ichimaru with us. We picked a few things up at the 7 eleven and snuck into the back yard at Urahara's shop.

We duck taped several trash bags to the ground and ran the hose to make it wet, then we poured baby oil on it to make it slippery. We stripped to our underwear and took turns sliding on the make shift slip n slide.

We were laughing drinking, and sliding for a while until the back porch light came on. We must have been very loud and woken some people up.

**Yoruichi POV**

I woke up suddenly when I heard loud laughter and yelling coming from the backyard. I looked at the clock and it read 4:26 AM. Who could be making such noise at this hour? I sighed and got out of bed. I put on my robe since I was only wearing panties and a tank top and decided to go and check it out. I walked downstairs and turned the back porch light on and then I opened the back door, I couldn't believe my eyes.

Toshiro was sliding on something and Ichigo was trying to slide on it to, but standing up. Toshiro slid into Ichigo and knocked him over making everyone howl in laughter. And was that Gin and Sosuke? What the hell was going on? Aizen was holding the hose making the weird thing wet. Ichimaru was standing aside with Soi sharing what looked like a rum bottle. None of them had any clothes on.

I cleared my throat. "What the hell is going on out here?"

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me.

Gin was the first to speak. "Heyyyyy Yoruichi come have fun with us!"

"Come try this thing is so fun!" Soi Fon exclaimed.

I was speechless. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. A substitute soul reaper and two captains were playing juvenile games with public enemy 1 and 2.

Toshiro started screaming to himself. "I just had sex! A girl let me put my penis inside her! And she tossed my salad two times!"

"Shut up Toshiro you came after 90 seconds!" Ichigo yelled.

Aizen started to sing. "What do tigers dream of when they take a little tiger snooze?"

Soi Fon sang back at him. "Do they dream of mauling zebras or Hale Barry in a cat woman suit."

They next thing I know they were all singing.

Now don't you worry your pretty striped tiger head

We're gonna get you back to Tyson in your pretty Tiger bed

And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug

And then we're gonna give him a best friend hug

Ooooohhhhh Dougie dougie dougie doug doug

Unless he'd been murdered by crystal meth tweakers

Then we're shit out of luck

They finished and all started to laugh and high five.

I was starting to get really mad.

"Ok whatever this is, it's over now! Everyone is going to bed and you two scum bags (I pointed at Gin and Sosuke) are going back to Hueco Mundo." I yelled.

Aizen sprayed the hose at me and I screamed a little.

"Haha wet kitty." He laughed.

"I am going to kill you!" I threatened.

"Fine we're going, come on Gin."

Gin took one last drink of the bottle and handed it to Soi. They gathered their clothes and ran off. That left Ichigo, Toshiro, and Soi standing in front of me.

"Now they rest of you get your clothes and go to bed!"

Ichigo and Toshiro gathered their clothes and walked inside. Soi was the last one. She took a drink from her bottle again.

"You're an angry kitty." She slurred.

She tried to poke me on the nose but I caught her hand. I wasn't amused.

"Go to bed Soi Fon."

She shook her head. She grabbed my waist and pushed herself against me. Brushing her lips across my cheek. My heart started to flutter and I got really hot.

"I don't want to." Soi retorted.

I was frozen for a little while until I found myself again. I shouldn't take this seriously she's wasted.

I took her hand off my waist. "You're drunk, go to bed."

Soi Fon smirked and walked past me.

I waited until she went upstairs, then I went to the kitchen to have a glass of water to calm down.

After I was done I put the glass in the sink and walked into my room. All the lights were off and I couldn't see anything. I dropped my damp robe to the floor and climbed into bed and rolled over that's when I felt something in bed next to me. Before I could see what it was they were on top of me, pinning my hands above my head. I struggled but I couldn't get free. I thought I was about to be raped so I tried to scream. Then a hand covered my mouth and silenced me.

"Sshhh it's me"

It was Soi Fon! In my bed, on top of me.

"What the hell are you doing? Get out of my bed and let me go!"

She put her lips to my ear and a shiver went down my spine.

"It's so cute when you try to deny me." She whispered.

She still had my hands pinned above my head making me completely helpless. She shifted my body so that she lay between my open legs. My heart began to race. What was she planning? She was drunk and not thinking clearly, or was she?

"What do you want?"

She began to run her soft lips over my jaw bone, cheek, and neck. My breathing became shallow. I had never been this close before. I felt like exploding.

"It's not what I want, it's what you want actually."

She started to nibble on my ear a little and my breath hitched.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

Soi started to grind her body against me. Making my body light on fire. She was teasing me and it was working.

"You know what it means, I see how you look at me. They way you watch all day long. I can only imagine the things you do to me in your head. I know you want me. So why don't you tell me what you want?"

She started to suck on my neck and I just couldn't register any words. Her lips felt so good against my skin.

"Uh I-I wan-"

"You want what? TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT NOW!"

She bit down hard on my neck.

I screamed my next words. "I WANT YOU SOI FON!"

My trapped hands were in fists and I was rigid. My whole body ached for her so bad I couldn't take it anymore. She moved her face up to mine so that our noses were touching.

"That's what I thought." She smirked.

Without a moment's hesitation she let go of my wrists and crashed her lips onto mine. I had waited so long for this to happen. I couldn't tell you how many times I had fantasized about this, and it was finally happening.

She was fierce and aggressive. I kissed her back with just as much force. I threw my hands around her neck grabbing and pulling at her dark black hair, trying to make our kiss deeper. Her tongue grazed my lower lip begging for entrance. I happily obliged and opened my mouth to let her in. Our tongues danced with each other fighting for power as we kissed.

I was on such a high I didn't know if I was going to be able to stop. I had been waiting so long for Soi Fon to return my feelings, but this didn't really feel right. I had never experienced this much pleasure in my life but it wasn't real, Soi Fon was drunk. She most likely wouldn't be doing this if she were sober.

But I didn't want it to stop. How far was I going to let thing go? Soi Fon kissed me passionately while I ran my hands down her back pulling us closer together. She had her hand up my shirt and slowly proceeded to remove it. I became nervous because I wasn't wearing a bra underneath my tank top.

I let her remove it anyway and she turned her attention to my chest. I pulled her head close and I moaned loving the pleasure that she was giving me. Then I felt her fingers slip inside the band of my panties. She slowly started to pull them down and an alarm went off in my head.

Things had gone farther than I had initially expected. I had no idea she wanted sex. It's not like I didn't want to have sex with her though. In fact I fantasized about having sex with Soi Fon a lot. But this wasn't right. She was drunk. I don't want our first time to be a drunk mistake.

I pulled her head up to me again and I kissed her deeply. I wanted just one last moment. My fingers moved to a spot over the back of her neck and I applied pressure. Then she went limp in my arms, completely passed out.

I held her in my arms for a few minutes breathing hard. I rolled her off of me and sat up to pull the covers over us. I pulled her close to me tucking her head under my chin. I ran a gently hand through her hair and kissed her gently on the lips as she slept.

"I love you so much Soi Fon."


	8. Butt Pirate

I rolled over in my warm sheets still slightly asleep. I opened my eyes a little bit and my vision blurred. That's when I noticed the pain surging through my skull. I grabbed my head and moaned a little. I seriously needed aspirin. I sat up on my arms. The sun looked high through the shades on the window. I read the clock and it said 1:22 pm. Had I really slept that late? I looked around. How did I get in Yoruichi's bed? Where was she anyway? I closed my eyes searching for memories of last night. I went to a club with Ichigo and Toshiro. I recall drinking and doing blow with Aizen and Ichimaru. That was stupid. We should have placed them under arrest. Then we came back here and did that ghetto slip n slide. Then black, I blacked out. I can't remember how I got here. Did I share a bed with Yoruichi last night? Most likely.

I got out of bed and noticed I was only in a bra and underwear. I exited Yoruichi's room and went to my own. I pulled on a pair of washed out jeans and a black button up. When I was dressed I decided to go downstairs.

I walked downstairs and into the kitchen. I saw Ichigo and Toshiro both shirtless at the table holding their heads. Yoruichi seemed to be cooking something and Kisuke looked like he was helping. I entered the kitchen and Kisuke looked up at me and clapped his hands.

"Oh how wonderful! All of the alcoholics are awake."

I gave him a dirty look. "I am not an alcoholic I prefer the term experienced drinker."

"I feel like my brain was fucked by a huge black cock." Ichigo moaned.

Toshiro said nothing. He just lay his head face down on the table a whimpered.

"Were did you guys go last night?" Kisuke asked.

"A club in Tokyo." Ichigo answered.

Yoruichi flipped around suddenly. "How the hell did you end up in Tokyo?"

"Car." I answered.

"Where the hell did you guys get a car?"

Ichigo looked at me.

I made a grabbing motion with my hands. "I take it, mother fucker."

"You stole a fucking car?"

"No stealing, it's called borrow."

Yoruichi turned back to what she was cooking.

"I'm in love with a five year old." She muttered.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Nothing."

The conversation was broken by a loud buzzing coming from Toshiro's phone, which was on the table. He lifted his head and flipped the phone open.

"FUCK!" He yelled.

"What?" Ichigo asked.

Toshiro looked up from his phone.

"Yamamoto is coming here, to the living world."

"So what's the big deal?" I asked.

"I don't think you understand. Yamamoto hasn't been to this world in centuries. I don't know why he's coming, but it must be really bad."

I smacked my face. "Shit I bet he knows Aizen licked my tits last night."

This caused Yoruichi to flip around again.

"You let Aizen lick your boobs last night?" She exclaimed.

"It wasn't really long, only like four minutes."

"That's a really long time!" She yelled.

"No it isn't I've had way longer."

"You're disgusting Soi Fon." Toshiro glared.

I glared back. "Look who's talking butt pirate, you made a stripper toss your salad last night. You're the one who's disgusting."

"Stop!" Yoruichi yelled. "I don't want to hear anymore about what you guys did to each others' bodies last night."

Ichigo raised his hand.

"Yes Ichigo."

Ichigo put down his hand and spoke. "I just want to say for the record nothing was done to my penis or my asshole last night."

Yoruichi smacked her face in frustration.

"Ok well whatever Yamamoto wants I think we can handle it, let's just eat."

Everyone agreed and we spent the day anxiously waiting.

* * *

Yamamoto finally arrived at five, accompanied by his royal highness Byakuya Kuchiki.

He requested we all meet in the living room.

We all filed in and took seats on the couch. Yamamoto had Byakuya take out a device that looked like a laptop and plugged it into the T.V.

"I have gathered you all here this afternoon because we have received important information that public enemy number one Sosuke Aizen and some of his associates have surfaced near this area." Yamamoto began.

Byakuya stood silently by his side.

Yamamoto turned on the screen and an internet site appeared on the screen. It had a picture of Aizen in the top left corner.

Yamamoto pointed to the screen. "This is Sosuke Aizen's blog. Did you know that Sosuke Aizen has A FUCKING BLOG?"

Yamamoto seemed like he had lost a few marbles and frankly he was scaring me.

"Oh my god he knows." I hissed in Ichigo's ear.

"SHUT UP!" He whispered harshly.

"Now let's just scroll down the page here. Oooo look Aizen has videos! They were taken last night in downtown Tokyo." Yamamoto said maniacally.

My heart sank. He knew.

He scrolled down the page a clicked on a video. The video started playing and it showed myself, Ichigo, Toshiro, Aizen, and Ichimaru drinking and jumping on couches with strippers.

"Now in this next video we have Ichigo doing blow with Ichimaru and a few hookers."

The next video played, and there was ichigo and Ichimaru snorting cocaine off of girl's asses.

"And this next video is my favorite. This is Aizen licking Soi Fon tits and if you look closely in the background you can see Toshiro having sex with a whore."

The last video played and we could see Aizen with his face in my tits and sure enough Toshiro fucking a stripper to the right.

Yamamoto turned of the screen and silently looked at us all for a moment.

"So you're telling me that instead of arresting the two most wanted men in the soul society you decided to DRNK AND DO BLOW AND LET THEM LICK YOUR TITS!" Yamamoto screamed.

"For the record no one licked my tits." Ichigo chimed in.

"I would just like to point out the fact that Toshiro is clearly a butt pirate." I added.

"Well at least I didn't do blow asshole." Toshiro yelled at me.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP, all of you." Yamamoto yelled. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to run the soul society when I have 12 captains running around like a group of little ASSHOLES! And now I have two of my most decorated captains kicking it with the enemy like CHEECH AND FUCKING CHONG!"

"Cheech and Chong smoke weed, we were doing blow so it would be more like Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown." Ichigo corrected.

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! You are a stupid substitute soul reaper and you're good for nothing!"

I raised my hand. "Sir I would just like to point out that I'm not an asshole."

Yamamoto glared at me. "Soi Fon you are the biggest asshole I have ever met. Yoruichi has been in love with you for over 100 years and you don't even give a shit. YOU ARE A HUGE FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

My eyes went wide and I sat frozen in my seat. Everyone else went completely quite to. I could feel everyone's eyes upon me. I felt incredibly tense. I knew Yoruichi was looking at me to and I was doing everything not to meet her gaze. Yamamoto continued to speak which relieved me from having to deal with the awkward situation that just happened.

"I should punish all of you." Yamamoto continued. "But instead I'm going to leave Captain Kuchiki here to keep an eye on all of you."

Yamamoto dismissed us and I was glad to go. I needed to get as far away from here as possible. I pretty much ran past Yoruichi to grab my coat. I needed to get outside. I had a hand on my jacket when I felt someone grab my shoulder. I turned my head and I saw that it was Yoruichi.

"Soi fon we should talk." She pleaded.

I shook my head. "Nope we don't need to do that everything is fine."

She pulled me closer. "Soi Fon I'm not stupid, I know what happened in there I really think we need to discuss it."

I ripped my shoulder from her grasp. "We need to discuss nothing, now let me go."

I could see the hurt glistening inher eyes. I glared at her and turned around and ran out the door. I left her there standing heartbroken in my wake. Later, I would realize this would be one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

What am I doing?


	9. Condom Hand Sex

**Hello followers I am soo sorry it took me so long to update, but here is a new chapter. Since I guess you're just as sick humored as I am I made this one extra vulgar. If you don't have a vulgar sense of humor I suggest you read other fanfiction. :)**

Wandering, wandering, wandering. That's just what I did I wandered around in the cold night aimlessly with no purpose, no destination. My mind was spinning though. I couldn't comprehend everything that just happened. Was Yamamoto speaking the truth? Was Yoruichi really in love with me? I couldn't understand it all, in my mind I had just met Yoruichi. But what was it like before everything went blank? Did I love Yoruichi to? Were we in some sort of relationship? I have no idea. I couldn't make sense of all this, all these feelings I have inside me.

I stopped suddenly when I came to a building that was flying a rainbow flag. I could hear loud music pumping from the inside and lots of people chattering. The sign on the front said "The Range."

Hmm gay bar? That's it I'll get trashed and forget about everything.

I walked into the patio area. There were several fire pits to keep warm and plenty of tables and lush couches.

The bar was very long and there were several people around it. I found an open spot and sat down. A very buffed out bearded gay man approached me.

"What are you drinking sweetie?"

That's not at all what I thought he'd sound like. He had the voice of a 30 year old jersey house wife.

"Red bull and vodka, and be generous with the vodka."

He packed a large glass full of ice and popped open a can of red bull. He tipped over the vodka and the red bull pouring both into the glass. He only poured the red bull for a few seconds before he took it away. He kept pouring the vodka in filling it to the brim.

Damn that's a lot of vodka I thought.

He pushed the drink in front of me. I held out a few yen. He pushed it away and winked.

"Don't worry about it honey."

I made a face. "Do I really seem that pathetic or do I just look like a hot mess?"

He smiled. "Both."

I hung my head.

"Don't worry it's semi fabulous, kind of like a Lindsy Lohan meets Kesha, shitting glitter kind of hot mess."

I looked up. "That's a really fucking hot mess."

"Yeah but it's the best kind."

"Whatever you say." I grumbled.

He looked past me. "Looks like you have some friends."

"What?"

I turned my seat around. Through the crowd I could see Toshiro and his royal highness Byakuya looking around and weaving through people. Suddenly Toshiro looked my way and connected eyes with me.

"Found her!" He yelled.

They pushed through some people and made their way over to me. Toshiro looked genuinely happy to see me.

"We've been looking everywhere for you Soi Fon we were worried after what happened."

I leaned over and took a big sip of my drink. Shit it was strong. I bit my tongue and squeezed my eyes shut.

I looked back at Byakuya and Toshiro. "Correction you were worried Toshiro and Byakuya doesn't give a damn because he's a royal dick."

Byakuya snorted at me. "Head Captain Yamamoto assigned me to watch over you all I need you to come back to the house immediately."

"Fuck you Byakuya I'm not going back to that place, I don't care if you suck my vagina I'm still not going."

"Are you challenging me?" Byakuya glared.

"I don't know do you want to fuck around on my shit your highness?" I sneered.

Toshiro stepped in between us. "Hey you know we don't have to get hostile, maybe we can just hang out here a little while?"

Byakuya stepped back analyzing us with his black eyes. "I suppose we could stay for a little while."

"Do they have food here?" Toshiro asked.

I reached behind the bar and grabbed a menu. "They sure do, let's check this out."

We found a table and ordered food. When we were done Byakuya took his card out of his wallet.

"I suppose I'll pay for it."

Quick as lightning I snatched the card out of his hand.

"What the hell are you doing Soi Fon?" He yelled.

"Look squirrel we're gonna get drunk and you're gonna pay for it because you're an asshole and you deserve it."

"Soi Fon give it back now!"

He tried to snatch it back but I was too quick for him.

Toshiro butt in. "Just grab her genitals, then she'll definitely give it back."

"I am not doing that!"

"Your such a pussy, watch this."

Toshiro reached down and grabbed my crotch hard.

I yelled and jumped out of my seat.

"What the fuck man? That was my clit!"

"Well at least you don't have a penis."

"Doesn't matter its sensitive."

Byakuya held out his hand. "Ok he grabbed your vagina now give it back."

I put his card in my pocket. Then I grabbed his collar and pulled his chest to mine. I put my lips to his left ear.

"Listen to me good pussy bitch. I know your wife died a long time ago and I haven't seen you with anyone since. I know you have needs and I have a proposition for you. If you do this for me I will literally suck your dick. I will cup the balls, stroke the shaft, and drink the gravy. I seriously don't give a fuck."

He pulled his head back and looked at me.

"Fine a few drinks, that's it."

I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Good choice fag boy."

I turned away and approached the same bartender. I gave him Byakuya's card.

I need a red bull vodka, vodka coke stolle, and a strawberry mojito. And I'd like more alcohol and less mixer."

The bartender smiled and took the card. "Open or closed?"

"Leave it open." I smiled.

I brought the drinks back to the table. "Byakuya the stolle is for you, and Toshiro the mojito is for you because you're a little bitch."

Toshiro sipped his drink. "Suck my little boy nuts."

We all began to drink. But because the drinks were so strong we lost control fast. I kept feeding Byakuya stollies. Everytime he would finish, another, another, another!

Toshiro was such a light weight he was getting shwasted off of bitch drinks.

"Why am I doing this?" Byakuya slurred.

"I don't know you're so fucked." I giggled.

Toshiro leaned over and gave me a little kiss. "You're so fucking hot." He laughed.

I began to run my hands through his hair. "You look like a cute butch lesbian, I want to take you home and do nasty things to you."

He laughed. "Like what?"

"I would scissor you so hard."

He giggled hard.

"Look they're doing karaoke in there." Byakuya pointed.

"Oh my god, do it Byakuya!"

He frowned. "I'm not that drunk."

"I got up and went to the bar."

"I need 5 shots of fireball." I slurred.

"Are you sure?" The bartender asked. "That's like a death sentence."

"At this point in my life I really don't care."

"All right 5 shots of fireball."

He lined up 5 very big shot glasses and filled them up in a row. He put them on a little trey for me. I thanked him and brought it back to our table.

I put my arm around Byakuya. "You're going to drink these in under 90 seconds."

He stared at the small glasses. "Hell fucking no!"

I aggressively pulled back his head and put my mouth on his, biting his lower lip and shoving my tongue in his mouth. I pulled back after a brief moment.

"Now drink the fucking shots, you little bitch."

Byakuya picked up a shot and started drinking fast. By the fourth shot he was shaking.

I pumped my fist in the air. "Drink, drink, drink!"

He finished the last shot and bent over trying to catch his breath.

"You want to go sing now?"

Byakuya sat up and licked the bottom of the shot glass and then smashed it on the floor. "Fuck it."

We walked over to where they were doing karaoke. Toshiro and I went first singing girls just wanna have fun. We hand our arms around each other and we danced around like fools. Byakuya was so drunk he actually volunteered

He got up on stage and pulled off the microphone. The music started and he got really into it.

(Turn around) every now and then

I get a little bit lonely and you're never

Coming round

(Turn around) every now and then

I get a little bit tired of listening to the

Sound of my tears

(Turn around) every now and then

I get a little bit nervous that the best of

All the years have gone by

(Turn around) every now and then

I get a little bit terrified and then I see the

Look in your eyes

(We sang back at him): Turn around bright eyes

Every now and then I fall apart

Turn around bright eyes

Every now and then I fall apart

(Turn around) Every now and then

I get a little bit restless and I dream of

Something wild

(Turn around) Every now and then

I get a little bit helpless and I'm lying like

a child in your arms

(Turn around) Every now and then

I get a little bit angry and I know I've got

To get out and cry

(Turn around) Every now and then

I get a little bit terrified but then I see the

Look in your eyes.

Turn around bright eyes

Every now and then I fall apart

Turn around bright eyes

Every now and then I fall apart

Byakuya took off his shirt and started to wave it around. Everyone went wild.

And I need you now tonight

And I need you more than ever

And if you only hold me tight

We'll be holding on forever

And we'll only be making it right

Cause we'll never be wrong

He got down on his knees and sang his heart out.

Together we can take it to the end of the line

Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time

I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark

We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks

Once upon a time I was falling in love

Now I'm only falling apart

There's nothing I can do

A total eclipse of the heart

He finished and everyone went crazy. Who knew a drunk Byakuya was a performer? We went back to our table singing and laughing.

I sighed. "Ok guys probably time to close out."

They both agreed, I went up to the bar to close out and get Byakuya's card back. I got the card back and got the receipt to sign. I looked at the final bill and said 64,615 mother fucking yen. He's gonna kill me when he gets his statement.

I came back to the table and gave Byakuya his card. We were on our way out when a bar back came up to us with a bucket.

"Free condoms guys?"

I stuck my hand in and grabbed a few. I threw them at Toshiro.

"Since you fuck girls now you don't want to plant your seed with your little pee pee, use those please."

Byakuya nudged me. "You should take one since you're a slut."

I glared at him. "I'm a gay female, what the hell am I gonna do with a condom for dicks?"

"Here." The bar back handed me two little packages.

"What's this?"

"Those are female condoms, take them."

I took them and looked them over, then I smiled back at Toshiro and Byakuya.

"We're gonna have some fun boys!"

* * *

We stumbled into Urahara's trying to make as little noise as possible, but ultimately failing. It must have been early in the morning because no one was around. We walked in the living room and dumped the condoms on the table.

Toshiro picked one up. "Ok so how do you do this?"

I went and got a cucumber out of the fridge. I opened a condom and I started to put it over the vegetable.

"So just pretend this is your dick and pull it over like this."

"Ok I got it."

Toshiro stripped to his underwear and opened a condom, he put his hands inside his boxers and started to feel around. He fell back on the couch.

"I can't get it on."

"Are you hard?" I asked.

"No, I need someone to jack me off."

"Byakuya will do it."

Byakuya made a face at me. "You do it, I'm not the one whose a fag."

"Oh so because I'm gay I have to suck him off?" I retorted.

"It makes sense." Byakuya sneered.

I grabbed Toshiro by the waist, I grabbed the condom and tried to pull it over him."

"Hey watch it that's the emperor!"

"You call your dick the emperor?"

"Yes I do." Toshiro snorted.

Byakuya threw a female condom at me. "Try on that."

"Fine." I tore the package open.

When I took it out I was stunned. I was a huge latex cylinder with a ring around the top.

"Holy shit that's way bigger than a guy's condom." Toshiro laughed.

"Oh fuck this."

"Well go put it on." Byakuya pointed to the bathroom.

I stripped to my underwear to, and took the huge condom to the bathroom. Byakuya and Toshiro followed me I turned my back towards them and put my hands in my shorts. I was struggling trying to get it up there but it was just too big.

"What's wrong?" Byakuya asked.

"What's wrong? I have the pussy of a 9 year old that's whats wrong. I can't get it up it's too tight."

"Well use something to shove it up."

"Does anyone have a spatula or a long fork?"

Toshiro shook his head. "I don't think we do."

"Shit I need help."

"Count me out." Byakuya said putting up his hands.

Toshiro walked over and knelt down in front of me.

"I think I can get it up I have small hands."

"Toshiro that's like hand sex, that's like lesbian sex."

"Don't think of it as sex, think of it as a hand shake between me and your vagina."

I looked at him for a moment. "I guess that'll be fine."

Toshiro put his hand inside my shorts.

"Stop looking at it!"

"I'm not looking!"

"Yes you are I can see your pervy eyes!"

"You grabbed my dick!"

"Touché."

Then I felt it and I started screaming. " Oh my God he's fucking me!"

Byakuya covered his eyes. "This isn't my life!"

Toshiro grabbed my hip. "Stop moving I almost have it."

"Your hands are not as small as they look asshole!" I screamed.

Then we heard a loud thump and then fast footsteps down the stairs. Suddenly the bathroom door burst open. IT WAS FUCKING YORUICHI!

"I heard screaming is everything-"

She stopped when she saw Toshiro kneeling in front of me with his hand in my shorts.

Byakuya stepped around Yoruichi and left the bathroom. "Mmmm k bye."

"Oh my…wha..what-what is..I-"

"There is a good explanation for this." Toshiro pleaded.

I gulped. "I have no words."


	10. You gonna fuck on me?

It was sometime in the early morning. I wasn't drunk anymore, just a little buzzed. I was out on the back porch smoking a cigarette. I was still in my underwear, but I had a blanket draped over my shoulders. It had been 30 minutes since Yoruichi caught me with Toshiro's hand in my vagina. Nothing happened really. She just gaped for a solid minute, then ran away. I mean what was I expecting? How exactly do you react to something like that? I noticed the back door slide open. Toshiro walked out. He was still in his boxers as well. He took a seat next to me and sighed deeply.

"She's not coming out I've been knocking on her door for almost 15 minutes."

I gave a sarcastic laugh. "Well what did you expect?"

"Hmm I guess you're right."

I handed him a smoke. "Smoke that."

He took it. "Aren't these bad for you?"

"I held up my lighter. "You're gonna live a long time Toshiro."

He bent down and put his cigarette to the flame. He inhaled and then exhaled through his nose.

I took some of my blanket and threw it over his shoulders. He scooted closer for warmth. We sat there smoking in silence for while.

"She loves you ya know."

I shook my head. "Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true. And you love her. Well at least you did before everything went blank."

My head snapped. "What do you mean?"

"Well before you lost your memories you guys were together, I'm pretty you guys were in love."

"Wait! We were dating? Like she was my girlfriend?"

"Well not exactly, not officially."

"So, it's not for sure then."

"Not exactly. There was definitely something going on. Everyone knew it."

I was about to ask another question when I heard the door slide open again. A chill went down my spine and all the hairs on my body stood up. I felt the presence and I instantly knew who it was.

"Do you mind if I talk to Soi Fon Toshiro?"

We both looked up and saw Yoruichi standing over us. I had a bad feeling. I couldn't read her. Her face was expressionless. Toshiro nearly jumped when she spoke. I could feel his anxiety as well.

He laughed nervously. "You don't have to ask me twice."

He threw the blanket off him and stood up. Yoruichi swiftly took his seat. I watched Toshiro walk to the door and as he stepped inside he looked at me and split his two fingers apart and stuck his tongue through them. I glared at him. I would give him the bird but Yoruichi was next to me. Once he was gone Yoruichi looked at me. She looked confused and a little hurt.

"Soi Fon I-"

I cut her off. "Look I didn't enjoy it, he only put like two fingers in. He didn't touch my clit and I swear I didn't come!"

Yoruichi looked bewildered. "Umm, I wasn't really concerned about that."

I suddenly felt really dumb. "Oh yeah, so carry on."

"Soi I wanted to talk about what happened with Yamamoto."

I put my head in my hands. "Can we not?"

She leaned into me and took my hand in hers. "Soi Fon please."

I sadly nodded.

"Look Soi that night was not the time or the place for anything like that to be said, you're so new to everything and I just want us to spend time together so that we can get back to where we used to be."

"Where we used to be?"

"Yes exactly."

"Toshiro told me we were dating is that true?"

Yoruichi looked shocked. "He said that?"

"Yes he did, now answer the question were we together?"

She let go of my hand and looked down.

"Soi it's just so complicated you wouldn't understand."

I raised my voice. "I wouldn't understand what? Were we together? Are you in love with me? I need to know now!"

"Soi please I just don't want to scare you."

"Fine!" I stood up and went to the door went I had it open I felt her catch my first. I turned and glared.

There were tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes were soft. Desperate. Pleading.

"Soi Fon please, I know this has been hard on you but it's been hard on me to. I'm just trying to do what I think is right. And I'm desperately trying to keep you from running away from me."

"I'm not going to run." I whispered.

"You already have."

She came close to me so that our chests were touching. She still had my wrist and I entwined my fingers in hers.

"I won't again, I promise."

She gave me a sad smile. "Thank you."

I could feel the heat rising between us from the closeness. I began to get that same feeling again whenever she was close to me. The excited nervousness. The kind of feeling that made your stomach do flips. She began to lean in slowly. I wasn't really afraid anymore and I was a bit curious so I leaned in as well. Our lips met gently at first until I pressed in a little harder. She moved her lips cautiously against mine, I could tell she was being careful not to scare me. But I was still a little buzzed, and this feeling was making me high. Fuck it. I threw my arms around her neck digging my fingers into her silky hair. I think it shocked her a little but none the less she wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed me fiercely.

We broke after a few minutes in need of air. Yoruichi leaned her head against mine and closed her eyes.

"Stay with me tonight?" She asked.

"Yeah."

She took my hand and led me inside. We walked up the stairs and into her bedroom. I sat on her bed for a minute waiting for her to change into her bed clothes. I however remained in my underwear. When she changed she came back and got into bed without a word. I lifted the covers and slid into bed next to her. I hesitantly laid my head in the crook of her neck and laid my arm around her mid section. She reciprocated and wrapped her arms around me. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep. We said nothing, we just both knew, this was right.

* * *

Yoruichi woke up in the late afternoon to her phone buzzing. She sat up and flipped it open.

Her eyes went wide. Now? It's too soon!

She looked around. Soi Fon was no where. She quickly went downstairs. She found Toshiro and Kisuke having coffee and reading the news paper.

"Where is Soi Fon!" She demanded.

"Oh she went to the casino, turns out she had a lot of drug money left over." Kisuke mused.

"Drug money?"

I walked in right when I heard the word drug money. But I wasn't concerned I was pissed. Someone stole all of my chips!

"Soi Fon where have you been?" Yoruichi asked angrily.

"Casino. But some motherfucker stole all of my chips."

"How much?" Kisuke asked.

"80,000 doller!" I kicked over a chair.

"Ok Soi Fon you're going to have to forget about that, Yamamoto activated you for a mission. We need to return to the Soul Society now!"

Kisuke got up. "I'll go fire up the Senkaimon!"

"So soon? What mission?" I asked.

"I don't know. We have to meet with him. Maybe I can talk him out of it."

It only took us a minute to gather our things. Kisuke opened the gate we stepped through and just like that we were back in the Soul Society. We dropped off our bags at my place and them we made our way to Yamamoto's private office. We arrived at huge oak doors. One of the guards knelt down in front of them.

"Sir they're here." He said loudly.

"Enter!"

The doors opened and we walked in. Yamamoto sat at his desk with his back turned. As we approached he turned around.

"Ahh good to see you both. I suppose you're here to be briefed on the mission?"

Yoruichi spoke first. "Yes Head Captain, but I'm wondering if it isn't too soon?"

"I hear your concern Yoruichi, but Soi Fon must start doing her job again. Besides I have selected this mission because it is a simple place for Soi Fon to start again. It is a mere coercion mission. No fighting, no blood split, just words, very simple."

"Can you bitch slap people with that beard?" I asked

Yamamoto gave me a strange look. He reached under his desk and pulled out a file.

"Mr. Hamachi is a business man who has recently been released from prison. He has several militia and strategically placed armories and the goal is to get him to come into alliance with the Soul Society in exchange for services from the punishment force."

"So where does Soi come in?" Yoruichi wavered.

"What does a man whose been in jail wants? To be with an attractive young woman! Soi Fon will be his date as well has seal the deal between us and him!"

"Since when did I become attractive? I have an Asian hair cut!" I said pointing to my head.

Soi Fon you are to report to Lieutenant Mastumoto in the morning for prep and then you will be escorted to the hotel by the punishment force. Dismissed.

We started to walk away.

"Oh and Yoruichi."

"Yes?"

"You are not to interfere under any circumstance."

* * *

Rangiku spun me around in the chair in front of a huge mirror.

"I'm so happy I get to make you look pretty!" She squealed.

I glared at my reflection. I was so pissed. Dresses and make up were so not my thing. I was a pants person.

She undid one of my braids and started to curl my long hair. God shoot me in the face!

Yoruichi sat on a chair outside. Apparently she wasn't allowed to see until everything was done. She was flipping through her phone, she couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen.

45 minutes later Rangiku poked her head out.

"She's ready." She smiled.

My hair was fucking curled I had make up on and I was wearing a navy blue dress. WHAT THE FUCK? I was going to make Yamamoto bitch slap himself with his beard!

I was messing with the zipper when I heard the door open. I looked up and saw Yoruichi. She was almost gaping. Although I wouldn't know why.

"I can't get the Goddamn zipper!"

That seemed to snap Yoruichi out of her trance.

"Um I-I I'll help y-you." She stuttered.

I turned around and I felt Yoruichi zip my dress up. But I felt her fingers lingering at my waist. I waited a couple of seconds. But I couldn't take it so I turned around. She was a great deal taller than me so I had to look up into her eyes. They we warm like honey. I felt myself leaning in a little.

"OK they're opening the gate let's go!" Rangiku yelled.

Her sudden presence made me jump away from Yoruichi. We both agreed and we made our way out. Rangiku giving me a wink as we took exit. We went through the Senkaimon and arrived on the street with several black SUV's. We all climbed and and started off towards the hotel. The ride was short. And we all filed out and went inside.

The hotel was very lavish. Persian carpets and gold plated ceilings. The first group went to the elevator. We stepped in and hit the top floor, the destination of the villas. I stood next to Yoruichi as the elevator ascended. Music was playing and I just felt like singing.

_Josie's on a vacation far away_

_Come around and talk it over_

_So many things that I wanna say_

_You know I like my girls a little bit older_

_I just wanna use your love tonight_

_I don't wanna lost your love tonight_

"How can you be so calm this guy is a pervert!" Yoruichi hissed in my ear.

"Relax Yoruichi it's classic he said she said, I'm very convincing!"

"Does everything you do end in a disaster?"

"I'm a cocaine addict it always happens like this!" I winked.

The bell went off and the doors opened and we all filed out. The guards led us to a door that had two goons standing on either side of it.

I looked back at Yoruichi and winked. "See ya."

I opened the door and went inside. I saw a man standing by the mini bar. Needless to say he was hideous. He looked like big foot. His hair was gray and he had it pulled back. He also had a short beard and he was old enough to be my grandfather.

"Can I offer you some champagne?" He asked.

"I'd love some!" I tried my best to be charming.

He poured me a glass and we moved to sit on the couch.

"So the Captain of squad two and the punishment force eh?" He put his hand on my thigh.

"Not so much." I moved his hand off me.

His expression went sour and he leaned forward to set his glass on the table. Then suddenly he jumped on top of me spilling my drink. He pulled out a knife and pressed it into my face but not enough to draw blood.

"You spilled my drink." I snorted.

"I could kill you right now, unless do exactly as I say. He smiled evilly and started to undo his pants.

I scratched my upper lip with my pinkie. "Mmm hmm point set match douchebag."

"What?"

**Yoruichi**

I was sitting in a chair biting my thumb. I had a really bad feeling about Soi being in there alone. That's when I started to hear crashing sounds, then I thought I heard Soi scream.

I jumped to my feet and sprinted for the door. Suddenly I was pushed back by two punishment force agents.

"You mustn't interfere!" They chanted.

"She's getting raped let me through!" I yelled.

Out of no where the doors suddenly burst open and someone flew out hitting the adjacent wall causing the plaster to crack. It was Mr. Hamachi! He wasn't wearing any pants either. He stood up and wiped some blood from his mouth. He also looked very frightened.

Soi walked out holding a brown purse and spinning a crow bar in the other.

"You gonna fuck on me?" She screamed.

Mr. Hamachi waved his hands. "No, no I'm so sorry. No one's gonna fuck on you! I'm sorry they made you wear a dress it's not your fault! I'll get you pants, please!"

Soi threw the bar and it hit him straight in the head. He fell into the wall upon impact.

"I'm the fucking biggest dyke in the Seireitei and they made me wear a dress!" She screamed.

She took out a knife from the bag and cut the dress from the shoulder down. She kicked off the shoes and stepped out the dress. Leaving her in a black bra and a pair of tiny black and red Calvin Klein boxers.

"And they fucking curled my hair!"

Soi took the knife and cut off her long strands of hair. Mr. Hamachi's goons were by his side trying to help him up.

Soi pointed at him. "Get up please."

Mr. Hamachi stood up. "Yes?"

"I want my purse back asshole!"

"It's not a purse it's a satchel!" he yelled.

I had no idea what was going on. I was just glad that old perv hadn't defiled Soi's body.

"It's a purse and you steal from wrong guy ok!"

"I didn't steal from you!" Mr. Hamachi argued.

"We met at a craps table yesterday. You were on a heater and I played your hot streak. I put the chips in my purse and you switched with me. Mine had 80,000 dollar inside!"

"Ok it's fine simple mistake, we switched bags. It's no big deal."

"Ok if it is uh no big deal why when I come to you start screaming like crazy and try to eat my snatch? You said I was your lucky charm and you wanted to take me home with you!"

Hamachi started laughing nervously. "Hahahahaha lucky charm."

Soi started laughing to. "Hahahaha FUCK YOU!"

"Well it's fine classic mix up, you know I can write you a check right now!" Hamachi offered.

"No checks, here's whats gonna happen. You're going to give your alliance to the soul society and you're going to get me my money cash only!"

Soi walked up to one of the goons and took the sunglasses right off his face and put them on. Then she pulled out a cigarette and lit up.

She breathed the smoke out her nose and looked at Hamachi.

"Toodaloo motherfukaaaaaaaa!"


	11. Chinese Nuts!

I puffed on my cigarette and strolled down the hallway clad in my bra and Calvin Kleins. I left behind Hamachi in my wake and the punishment force agents started to follow me. Yoruichi ran to catch up to my side.

"Soi what the hell just happened?"

"Business just happened, be sure to take notes."

We all stepped into the elevator and the doors shut. I pressed the button and we started to descend.

"Seriously Soi Fon what the fuck, I was scared shitless for you!"

I tuned Yoruichi out when the elevator music came on and started to sing my heart out.

_Oooh baby do you know what that's worth_

_Oooh heaven is a place on earth_

_They say in heaven love comes first_

_Oooh Heaven is a place on earth!_

"How can you act like nothing happened? That guy tried to rape you!"

"Chillax pussy snacker I got a steel trap on these goodies! Besides you're just mad because you want a taste."

Yoruichi's eyes went wide and she slowly turned a deep shade of red. That seemed to shut her up. The doors opened to the lobby and we stepped out.

"Miss you can't smoke that in here."

One of the receptionists was pointing at me. I realized it was because of the cigarette.

"Fuck you!" I spat at his feet and walked away.

Yoruichi grabbed me and dragged me out of the hotel. We got in the cars and drove off. We made it back into the Soul Society in good time and I had my report ready for Yamamoto. We arrived at the oak doors again and we were permitted entrance. Yoruichi and I walked into Yamamoto's office and stood at his desk.

"This is the report." I handed him a file.

Yamamoto took it from me and looked it over.

"It says here he quote, tried to fuck on you. What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"It means exactly what it sounds like sir."

"So I'm assuming besides the fact he went for the deal?"

I smiled. "He sure did!"

"Perfect, you will meet him at 7:00 AM in the desert and deliver him punishment force agents.

We walked out of the office and I leaned into Yoruichi.

"That guy is such a chump, I giving him newbie recruits."

* * *

The sun was rising high in the desert and we were all sitting in black SUV's loaded with the newbie punishment force agents. Yoruichi had driven us here and I was sitting in the passenger seat. I watched the road as several other SUV's came along the road in our direction. The pulled up in front of us and flashed their lights to let us know the deal was on. Both groups started to exit the car. I stood in front and so did Mr. Hamachi.

"Did you bring money?" I asked.

One thing about me was when I was really angry or in the zone my Asian side suddenly came out a lot.

"Um First of all Good morning, and I didn't catch your name yesterday."

"Fon, Soi Fon."

"Ok good morning Soi Fon, I was just wondering if it would be cool if I could see the agents first before the deal?"

"Of course Hamachi that is cool."

I clapped my hands and a hand full of agents climbed out of the car. I made sure they wore masks for a reason.

Hamachi looked them over from where he was standing.

"Ok now give me money, or I shoot you and all your mother fuckers. Your choice bitches!"

Hamachi threw the bag over and Yoruichi caught it. She looked in the bag counting it.

"It's all here." She confirmed.

I waved my hand. "Let them go."

The agents went over to Hamachi and he instructed them to take off their masks. Once he saw that they were roughly 17 he started to yell at me.

"What the fuck is this Soi Fon? I turned over all my assets to the Soul Society and you give me this? These are not punishment force agents, they're kids!"

"What you talking about Willis that's them!"

"That's bullshit Soi Fon! Now give me back my 80,000 and take these kids with you!"

I started to laugh. "Hahaha oh yeah haha I'll take them back right after you suck on these chinses nuts! Mmmm yeah!

I grabbed my crotch and wiggled my hips. Then I took my hand and started to jerk it to make it look like I was jacking off at him.

"Mmmm like that, so long gay boy."

We all got in our cars and started to drive away. I could see Hamachi kicking dust in the rear view mirror and I laughed to myself. I just loved a good screw over.

* * *

We had been driving for a while and we had finally made it back to the city. The 80's station was on and I was strumming my fingers and humming to the beat. That's when I spotted a familiar car. We got the green light and I grabbed the steering wheel from Yoruichi ramming us into another car. We T-Boned them into a street sign and crushed their whole driver side.

"Soi what the hell did you just do?" Yoruichi yelled.

I said nothing and exited the car. I kicked some glass with my shoe and walked over to the smashed car.

"Get out of the car!"

The people inside just stared at me.

I snapped my fingers and two punishment force agents walked over to the car and started to pull them out from the car. It was a group of Arrancar. Grimmjow, Yammy and Ulqiorra. One of the agents struggled with Yammy and dropped him on the ground.

I started to laugh. "Hahahaha it's funny because he's fat!"

The 80's radio was still on.

"Turn that shit up!"

One of the agents turned the volume all the way up. I started to sing and dance.

_Children Behave_

_That's what they say when we're together_

_And watch how you play_

_And so we're_

_Running just as fast as we can_

_Holding on to one another's hands_

_Tryin to get away into the night_

_And then you put your arms around me_

_And we tumble to the ground_

_And then you say_

_I think we're alone now_

_There doesn't seem to be anyone around_

_I think we're alone now_

_The beating of our hearts is the only sound_

Yoruichi got out of the car and ran over to me. She saw the three Arrancar and immediately took a fighting stance.

The Arrancar started to sing with me and sway to the beat.

I waved my hand and the beat cut.

"Where are my drugs assholes?"

"Hey Soi Fon it's nice to see you."

"No it's not nice to see me Grimmjow where is my fucking cocaine cock sucker?"

"Cocaine? What kind of shit are you tied into Soi Fon?" Yoruichi demanded.

I ignored her.

"Well see I kind of snorted it all." Grimmjow said nervously.

"Don't play games with me douche bag."

"It's a simple solution, I'll just get you more."

"Oh really if it is uh so simple solution, why when I ask Ulqiorra about the drugs he start screaming about pussy and take off all his clothes?"

All of the Arrancar started to laugh.

"Mmmm yeah so funny, FUCK YOU!

I threw my phone at him and it him straight in the forehead.

"Hey what the hell?"

"Huh not so fast, por quar douche bag."

"What?"

"How you gonna get me drugs?"

"We can just rob another drug dealer and get lots of coke, easy solution."

"Oh I see such a good idea, WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE IT ALREADY?"

Grimmjow rubbed his neck. "Well we kind of need your help."

I rolled my eyes and kicked some glass.

"Come again asshole."

"I said we-"

I started laughing. "That's what she said hahaha. Get it? Come again."

Grimmjow started laughing nervously.

"Hahaha shut the fuck up Grimmjow.

Grimmjow shut up and looked frightened.

"Fine I help you cock jerkers, but I'm driving."

Grimmjow smiled. "Excellent!"

Yoruichi caught my wrist. "Soi you can't go with them, they're Arrancar!"

"Relax Yoru-pussy I got this shit!"

She pulled me closer. "Please Soi don't do this."

She had that look in her eyes. That frightened pleading look. Any other time I would be sympathetic. But I needed to take care of things. It's not like I didn't care for her. I definitely had some feelings for her. Though right now is business time!

I made sure the Arrancar weren't looking. I leaned in and softly gave Yoruichi a chaste kiss on the lips.

Then I winked at her. "Business time."

I walked over to their car and got in their driver's seat, then we sped away.

I was parked somewhere in China Town by a huge warehouse. Grimmjow and Yammy had gone inside to do the robbery and I was stuck in the car with crazy Ulqiorra .

I sighed.

"Why does your face look like that?" I asked.

"What do mean?" Ulqiorra defended.

"Well it looks like you cummed on your face."

"That's offensive."

"Have you ever shot yourself in the eye?"

"What?"

"You know jerked off and shot yourself in the eye."

"Your questions are inappropriate."

"I got shot in the eye once. I went down on this girl who was a squirter and when she came she shot me right in the eye."

"That's disgusting."

"Don't hate it's natural for some people."

All of the sudden we heard gun shots ring out. Grimmjow and Yammy came running out from the building with two Chinese men chasing them. They both hopped in the car with a full black duffel bag.

"Drive!" Grimmjow screamed.

Didn't have to tell me twice. I hit the gas pedal hard and the tires squealed in place before we took off. The two men hoped motor bikes.

I took off into China Town. They took shots at us and blew the back window out. I hooked a left. One of the men pulled up to my passenger side and aimed at Grimmjow.

"Peel off!" He yelled.

I peeled to the left dodging a crate. Making the man pull to the right. The other one pulled up to my side and tried to aim at me. I rammed the car into him and he lost control and spun out.

I cackled. "One down one to go!"

"Are you enjoying this?" Grimmjow was freaking out.

"I fucking love this shit!" I laughed.

Grimmjow threw his hands up. "Ooooh my God!"

There was a dead end ahead. "Drift Soi Fon drift!"

"Got it cock sucker!"

I pulled the wheel the opposite way and we drifted hard. Everyone screamed and I just laughed. There was a butcher shop ahead and I had a big pig hanging from it right in our path.

"Piiiiig!" Grimmjow screamed.

The pig hit my back window praying blood in Ulqiorra's face.

"Oooh ma God!" He screamed.

The last thug pulled off when I noticed we were approaching a small river.

"Fuck it!"

I pressed the gas and we hurled over the river. Everyone had their hands to the ceiling screaming. Luckily we came to a screeching halt on the other side.

"What the fuck!" Grimmjow breathed.

"I just had such an orgasm right now." I yelled.

"Let's just go."

I turned the wheel and we took off.

* * *

I sat up in my rubbing my eyes moaning. I was all coked out from last night. This seemed to stir Yammy and Ulqiorra who were sleeping on the floor. Yammy sat up and rubbed his head.

"Man I got so fucked up."

Ulqiorra stood up and sat on the bed. "Man too much coke!"

Grimmjow was still sleeping next to me and I shook him awake. He sat up grabbing his head.

"Man what happened last night?"

"Lots of stuff." I winked at him.

"Like what?" Ulqiorra asked.

"Oh we drank and did lots of coke, you guys were going to go but you couldn't get this one to leave."

I ran a hand through Grimmjow's slick backed hair.

"Isn't that right Super Star? He follow me around all night saying how he fall in love with me and ask me to marry him."

Yammy and Ulqiorra started to laugh.

"Soi Fon we didn't actually get married did we?"

"No we just had some fun in my room.

"What kind of fun?"

"You know tickle me, we have sex, massage your shoulders. You were so sexy, the way you move around. I had to tell you to slow down, you move too fast."

Grimmjow smiled. "So I fucked you eh?

I shook my head. "I fucked you."

"What?"

"Honey this is Karakura, they call it Karacock not Karacunt."

I stood up from the bed and revealed I was wearing a huge black strap on.

"Oh my GOD!"

Grimmjow fell out of the bed and hit the wall.

"Grimmjow you loved it. You were crying saying how beautiful it was. We climaxed at the same time.

"How does that work?"

You know I drop my load onto your asshole you drop yours onto the floor."

"Oh my god this isn't happening!"

I smiled and shook my hips, making the strap on wiggle.

Yammy and Ulqiorra howled in laughter.

**Can you tell I love the 80's? Review Pls. **


	12. Napoleon

I looked in the mirror at my complexion. I think I look way too Asian. But I guess that was my parent's fault. I pulled out some hair wax and rubbed it in my hands, then spreading my fingers I ran it through my hair. I moved my hands fast messing it up, giving it the "I don't care" look. I had cut off my braids in a fit of rage, so I just had a short hair cut. I thought it looked better though. Those things annoyed me. Why did I ever have my hair that way? Once my hair was messed up I pulled a navy blue v-neck on. Then I found a pair of washed out gray jeans cut off at the ankles and pulled them on. Once I zipped the jeans and did the belt I decided to join the rest of the world down stairs. On my way out I grabbed a gray bowler hat and put it on.

When I came into the kitchen I found Yoruichi sipping coffee and reading the paper and Kisuke washing dishes.

"Nice hat!" Kisuke said excitedly.

"You would like it wouldn't you?" I sneered.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Fag!"

Yoruichi put down the paper.

"Hey Bee, do you want to go to our place today?"

I snorted at her. "There you go with than name again. Bee, bee, buzz, buzz, why don't you buzz around somewhere and fuck yourself?"

She glared at me. "I was simply suggesting something."

I shook my head. "I have a photo shoot today."

"What are you talking about?"

"I was approached by a Calvin Klein rep a few days ago, and they hired me to model underwear."

Yoruichi's eyes went wide. "Un-Underwear?" Yoruichi stuttered.

I smirked. I bet the thought of me with nothing on really got her going.

"Yeah there's gonna be a town car here in about an hour to take us to Tokyo."

* * *

An hour passed and the town car came to pick me up. I decided to take Yoruichi with me. I figured she'd enjoy the show. The town car had an extended back and served chilled whiskey. Which I quickly helped myself to. We had been driving for nearly 45 minutes and I decided we needed to pull over.

"Excuse me can you pull over, I need to get umm err some candy."

The driver pulled over in what seemed to be a pretty rough neighborhood. I got out and approached a man hanging out on a street corner.

The driver turned around and looked at Yoruichi.

"Man she really wants some candy."

Yoruichi bowed her head and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"She's not getting candy."

I got back in the car after I was done.

"Ok onward to Tokyo!"

I was a long drive to the city but we finally made it. The driver pulled up to an unmarked building, Yoruichi and I got out. As we walked through the doors I flexed the muscles in my throat and spit a little red balloon into my hand. I put it in my pocket and we approached the front desk. A beautiful blonde woman wearing shocking red lipstick sat behind the huge front counter.

"Umm excuse me, My name is Soi Fon I'm one of the models for the Calvin Klein shoot."

"Oh yes, I see I have you marked in the schedule for the Calvin Klein X Underwear shoot. The other models are already in prep. I'll go get you security clearance and then put you through."

I gave her a fake smile. "Thanks so much."

The girl left the desk and then I grabbed Yoruichi's arm and pulled her away. I took the balloon out of my pocket and flashed it to her.

"What the hell are you doing with that?" She hissed.

"I'm going to need you to shove this up your asshole."

Yoruichi shoved my hand away. "Fuck you."

I pushed Yoruichi up against the wall. I grabbed her hand and put underneath my shirt, placing her palm against my stomach. I flexed, crunching my stomach muscles so she could feel the hard lines of my six pack that I worked so hard for.

I whispered in her ear. "I know want this, so what I need you to do is shove it!"

She leaned into my shoulder inhaling my scent. She let her hand caress my stomach muscles for a moment then she turned her hand into a fist and pushed me away.

"Give me a minute."

I smirked and winked at her.

Yoruichi stepped outside into the fresh air to cool off. She pulled out her phone and dialed Kisuke's number.

"Hello Urahara Shoten."

"She's turning me into a drug mule!"

"Hmm what's that now?"

"She's bribing me with her body to get me to shove drugs up my ass!"

"So what's the problem?"

"What's the problem? This is illegal! That's the problem!"

"Look you need to keep your eyes on the prize, you want her. So what you need to do is shove the drugs up yer ass no problem. You shave right? It'll go right in."

"But Kisuke!"

"Eyes on the prize!" click.

Yoruichi stared at her phone. She was fucked. She decided to turn around and walk back inside.

I was inside looking at my watch when Yoruichi came back in.

She glared at me and held out her hand. "Give it to me!"

I smiled and dropped it into her hand. She discreetly went behind a plant and reached down behind her back. She seemed to struggle with it for a while but with one finale grunt she was done.

The blonde woman came back with two badges. We took them and went through security, and straight to the shoot. A skinny dark haired woman came up to us.

"We need you in make up now all the other models are ready!"

I smiled. "Sorry, she was busy shoving drugs up her ass."

The woman laughed hysterically.

Yoruichi started to laugh nervously. "Hahaha she's such a joker right?"

The woman walked off and Yoruichi punched me in the side.

"Hey-"

"What the fuck Soi Fon?"

"Just having a little fun."

"Try not to expose the fact that you've turned me into a drug mule!"

I started to walk towards make up. "Check yourself before you wreck yourself."

I went into make up and when I was done they laid out my underwear for me. A pair of tight, little yellow boxers with a black band. The band had Calvin Klein written in yellow letters. Then there was simple black bra. I guess I was going to look like a bee after all.

I walked out of the dressing room and it occurred to me that I was the only female model. All the other models on set were a group of beautiful looking, muscular men. We began with a lot of group shots. I flexed my muscles making my abs pop for the photos. They sprayed water on us to make us look sweaty and wet.

After the group shots the photographer pulled me aside to get shots of just me.

"Just like that. Turn your head a little. Put your arms up. Beautiful baby, beautiful!"

I did as I was told and he numerous shots of me. I could faintly see Yoruichi gawking at my body.

"Ok now you're gonna do a few with Satoru." The photographer yelled.

A tall dark haired man with crazy muscles came up to me. I couldn't stop staring at him, he was so beautiful.

"Ok now lose the bra. Satoru lay down on the bed with her and cover her breats with your arm."

I did as I was told and I took off the bra and got on the bed with Satoru. He put his arm around my chest covering me. The photographer jumped in, taking lots of shots.

"I love it! So sexy! Give me more, give me more!"

From where I was laying I could see Yoruichi glaring at Satoru.

The shoot turned out to be long and tiring but it was over soon enough. Plus they gave me a lot of free underwear!

I walked out of the building with Yoruichi at my side, night had already fallen.

I opened the door to the town car and got in. Yoruichi got in on the other side.

"That guy was all over you!"

"It's modeling Yoruichi, that's the way it's supposed to be."

"Where to?" The driver asked.

"Down town."

"Why are we going there?

"Renji got a villa at one of the hotels, we're gonna go party!"

* * *

We arrived at the hotel and went to the top floor where the villa was. Renji was the one to answer the door.

"Heyyy guys ready to partyyy?" He slurred.

"Hell yes!" I yelled.

We walked in and I gave him a hug.

"I brought a party snack."

I held out my hand. "Give me the candy, Yoruichi."

"No!"

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. I'm not giving it to you. You can't tease me with your body and get me to carry your drugs."

I started hitting and slapping her.

"C'mon just pop it out. Give it to me!"

"No! You can't have it!"

She ran into the bathroom and ran after her. She stopped at the wall she had no where left to run. I took her and shoved her against the sink.

"Fuck you Soi Fon!"

"Bite me!"

I bent her over and I shoved my hand down her pants and into her ass.

"Noooooo!" She screamed.

The little balloon popped out and I took it into my hand.

Yoruichi turned around. "You know I've had some crazy fantasies about you but none of them involve your fingers up my ass!"

"Do they involve me putting a light bulb up your ass?"

"What?"

"I'm just saying it could happen if you played your cards right."

"Fuck you!"

I smiled and walked out of the bathroom and into the lounge area. The place was really cool. It had a 70's retro feel with bright colors and shag carpets. There were lots of girls hanging out. I sat down on one of the couches surrounded by Kyoraku, Kurotsuchi, Renji, Ichigo, Rukia, Toshiro, Rangiku and Nemu. Yoruichi sat down beside me looking disgruntled. I took out the balloon and spilled the contents on the table.

I waved my hands. "Enjoy!"

Several people rolled up dollar bills and started doing lines.

Renji came up to me holding the hand of a cute silver haired girl.

"Soi Fon this is Isane I thought you two would like to meet."

The girl smiled sheepishly at me and held out her hand.

"It's nice to meet you Soi Fon."

"I remember you from when I was in the hospital. You're that cute nurse from Division 4 aren't you?"

She blushed. "Actually I'm the Lieutenant."

I patted my lap. "Come sit!"

Yoruichi glared.

She sat on my lap and I noticed she was holding a blunt in her hand.

"Can we smoke that?"

"Of course!"

She lit it up and she put her lips to mine, blowing smoke into my mouth.

Yoruichi nudged me. "Soi I don't think we should be here."

"Hey don't worry, look over here."

I grabbed the wrist of a small Asian girl walking by.

"Miss what's your name?"

"Minami."

"Ok Minami what your going to do is you're going to take my friend Yoruichi into that room over there and fuck her."

Minami smiled. "OK"

Minami grabbed Yoruichi's hand and started to pull her away.

"Wait Soi are you sure this is a good idea-"

* * *

**Yoruichi**

"So when I was 6 I broke my arm but that's also when I knew I wanted to be a singer…"

I yawned. This girl was rambling on and it was getting late.

"Ok it's been nice talking Minami but I have to go now."

I tried to get off the bed but Minami pounced on top of me.

"Not so fast." She giggled.

"Please get off."

She lifted up her skirt.

"Look at it!"

"Hmm yeah umm that's err your vagina very nice."

"No look it's a star! Like that song from Madonna, Lucky Star. Don't you love Madonna?"

"Yes, ok but-"

"Pants off!"

She grabbed my pants and practically ripped them off of me.

"Yay no pants, no pants!"

"Look Minami you seem like a very nice girl-"

Minami pulled a huge purple dildo and started rubbing it on my face.

"Oh my god when is the last time you sanitized that?"

"This is going inside you." She sang

"No, no, no, stop it!"

She reached down and thrust in.

"Aaaaaaagh my God nooooo!"

* * *

Yoruichi came out of the room and sat down next to me. Isane was gone.

"Rape, I was just raped."

I waved my hand. "You weren't raped."

Kyoraku handed Yoruichi a blunt. "This will take the edge off bummer man."

Yoruichi took a couple hits off the blunt and she started grabbing her chest.

"What is this?"

"It's a Napoleon." Kyoraku answered.

"No, like what's in it?"

Renji chimed in. "Weed mostly."

"There's also crack, heroine, and a little GHB." Kyoraku said.

"It's like a drugs Neapolitan." I concluded.

We all started laughing but Yoruichi was clutching her chest hard.

"I-I I'm having a heart attack."

I rubbed her back. "Your not having a heart attack just breathe."

Kurotsuchi was yelling across the room about some nonsense and then Kuoraku yelled at him.

"Fuck you man. You invited you anyway fuck face?"

"What did you say to me?"

"Fuck face, your face is fucked up!"

Kurotsuchi flew across the room and hit Kyoraku in the face and they started to fight. The whole room broke out into a fight.

"I can't breathe!" Yoruichi yelled.

"Lay down on the carpet!"

She got down on the fuzzy rug and started to stroke it. I lay next to her doing to same thing.

"This is what old fashion pussy used to look like, I want to cover my walls in this shit!"

"It hurts." Yoruichi cried.

"Just keep petting!"

I got up and jumped on Kurotsuchi hitting him on the head with the lamp. Until someone threw a book at my head knocking me off him. I went back over to Yoruichi and helped her up.

"We're going now!"

We ran out of the room with Kurotsuchi chasing us. We ran out of the hotel with him hot at our heals and we jumped into the town car.

"DRIVE!"

* * *

When we finally got home it was late. Yoruichi and I plopped down on the couch. She rubbed her eyes with her hands.

"Man that was fun!" I laughed.

Yoruichi glared at me.

"You think that was fun? That was insane! You are absolutely out of control! I can't do this anymore! We can't do this anymore!"

Tears started to pour down her cheeks. She got up and brushed past me.

"I can't, I just can't."

I was in my room critically thinking. I sat on my bed in my new Calvin Kleins and a simple black bra. I tapped my foot impatiently. Should I do it? No she'll just turn me away. But maybe? Well fuck it!

I left my room and crept down the hallway. I reached Yoruichi's door and I turned the knob and slowly opened the door. She was standing at her dresser with her back turned in her robe.

"Yoruichi?"

She jumped turning around.

"Soi Fon you scared me!"

I closed the door and walked up to her, closing the distance between us. I took her hands in mine and looked into her golden eyes. Like the warm sun.

"I'm sorry I put you through that. I just get carried away trying to have fun sometimes. I know my life style isn't exactly ideal but-"

Yoruichi cut me off by planting a soft kiss on my lips.

She pulled away. "It's ok I think the Napoleon just freaked me out."

I laughed a little. "Yeah the Napoleon will do that."

She leaned in and started to kiss me again. She was soft and gentle. But I had other things on my mind. I reached for her sash and pulled it loose. I reached for her shoulders and pushed the robe off her. It hit the floor with a whisp. Yoruichi immediately pulled away covering her chest. She was only wearing a little black pair of lacey panties.

"Let me get a shirt." She blushed.

I caught her and pulled her close. "No."

I pushed her hands away and ran my hands from her chest down to her stomach. She let out a shiver. I wrapped my hands around her waist and kissed her again, this time with more force. She cupped my face with her hands pulling me closer to her. I ran my hands up and down her sides feeling the heat rising from her soft skin. I bit down on her lip and she moaned into the kiss adding more fuel to my fire. I ran my hands down her back, digging my nails into her soft flesh. Then I moved my hands down to her hips and I pushed her against the wall. She hooked one of her legs around my body as I began to grind into her.

I hooked a finger into her underwear and tried to pull it down when I felt a soft hand on top of mine stopping me.

I pulled away and raised an eyebrow.

Yoruichi leaned her head against mine and smiled shaking her head.

"Hasty aren't you?"

"I don't get it, I thought this is what you want."

She smiled sadly "It is."

"So what gives?"

She shook her head again. "The timing just isn't right."

I didn't really understand. What timing?

"Let's just go to bed."

"Can I sleep with you?"

She smirked. "Are you going to keep your hands out of my panties?"

I snorted. "Yes."

"Let me just get a shirt."

"No." I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"Let's just go to bed like this, we'll keep each other warm."

She smiled and dropped her shirt. "Ok"

We both climbed under the sheets at the same time. Yoruichi turned on her side and opened her arms. I happily let her embrace me. I buried my head in her chest and wrapped my arm around her back, running my hand down her perfect skin.

"Hmm I love you Soi Fon."

"Faithfully yours." I whispered.

**Ever tried a Napoleon? Review and let me know**


	13. Pussy has no Face

I rolled over in the bed sheets. I felt very cozy. Stretching out my legs I came into contact with another set of long smooth ones. That's right, I went to sleep with Yoruichi last night. Oh yeah, and she fucking denied me last night. I wasn't used to that happening. Girls loved me. Wasn't she supposed to be in love me anyways? I don't get it, doesn't make sense. Well last night she said she loved me. Do I love her? Damn I just don't know. I feel really attached to her, but love is a strong word. Too much thinking. I turned over again and opened my eyes. Yoruichi was a foot away from me. Craving her warmth I closed the distance between us. I threw her arm over me, burying my head into her voluptuous chest. I stretched my legs down to hers and tangled them together so we could be as close as possible.

"You're usually gone by now." Yoruichi whispered.

I rubbed my nose against her neck.

"I just decided to stay this time."

I started to kiss and nibble at the flesh on her neck line.

"Mmmm…are you falling for me then?"

Moving to her jawbone I continued my work.

"Don't jump to conclusions I just didn't want to get up this morning."

I raised my head so that I was looking straight into her amber eyes. They looked tired, with sleep still in them.

"Regardless it's nice to wake up next to you."

She ran a hand through my onyx hair and brought it down to cup my chin. I leaned in ghosting my lips over hers.

"Isn't it?"

I pressed my lips onto hers, softly at first. I tangled one of my hands in her long silky hair, pulling her closer to make our kiss deeper. I bit down hard on her bottom lip eliciting a low moan. Putting my hand on her shoulder, I pushed her onto her back. I grazed her bottom lip with my tongue begging for entrance and she gratefully let me in. Our tongues swam with each other fighting for the winner. After a while I broke the kiss and moved to her neck kissing and nipping at the tender flesh.

"Uhhhh Ah Soi it's too early for this."

I brought my lips up and tickled her ear with my hot breath.

"No it's not!"

Then I bit down on her ear hard, sucking on the lobe. I realized that Yoruichi hadn't put on a shirt from last night, and that only tempted me. I ran a hand up her toned, slender stomach until I reached her breasts. I brought my head up and captured her lips in another kiss. I groped her breast in my right hand. Massaging it and pinching it lightly. I earned another moan from Yoruichi, her back arching in pleasure. I broke our kiss and took one of her nipples into my mouth. I flicked my tongue making the nib hard, then playfully bit down onto it.

"Aaaaahh Mmmmm S-stop please!"

I ignored her, who would actually want me to stop? I spread her legs with one of my knees and dipped my hips into her making a grinding motion. She bucked her hips against me. I knew she must me getting really horny at this point.

"Uhhhhh Mmmm Soi Fon!"

The way she called out my name made me go out of my mind. I had to have her now. I bit down hard onto her nipple and I dipped my hips thrusting myself into her. I felt her core rub against my lower stomach. I could feel the moisture against my skin. She was soaking wet.

I brought my head up so that it was hovering above hers.

"Take your underwear off!"

"Soi no I can't!"

"PLEASE!" I practically begged her. I felt like I was exploding.

She pushed my shoulders away.

"Soi Fon I told you we can't!"

I suddenly jumped out of bed and punched the wall leaving a hole in it.

"GOD DAMNIT!" I screamed.

Yoruichi sat up in bed and gathered the sheets around her to cover her naked body. She was alarmed at Soi Fon's sudden outburst. I paced the room pulling at my hair, grinding my teeth, and clenching my fists.

"Soi I-"

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I yelled to myself mostly.

"I'm sorry Soi are you mad at me?"

I was broken out of the little fit I was having with myself and looked at Yoruichi.

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just really worked up right now and I think I have lesbian blue balls. I feel like I need to either break everything or masturbate for an hour."

Yoruichi smiled weakly.

"Come sit."

I stopped pacing and walked over to the bed to take a seat. Yoruichi took my hand and squeezed it.

"I'm sorry it's just a little bit complicated."

I quirked an eyebrow. "So explain."

"It's just you're a little bit of a player-"

"Oh don't play that bullshit with me, you know I haven't come on to anyone except you."

Yoruichi played with my pinkie.

"Regardless Soi Fon, I don't want to be just a girl to you. I want you to want me."

"What are you talking about? I do want you."

"No right now you want my sex. I want you to want me in the way that you would never want anyone else."

I furrowed my eyebrows. I think I kind of understood. But, I just didn't know how to show her how I feel.

"Do you understand?"

"I-I think I-"

Yoruichi's phone started buzzing. Yoruichi stared at me for a moment and then grabbed her phone flipping it open.

"Uh-oh."

"What?" I asked curiosly.

"We missed a few things. Unohana has some new developments on your memory loss and Yamamoto has a new mission to assign you."

"Well that's a load."

"Yes it seems so, we'll get dressed and go to see Unohana first. That matter is more urgent."

"I'll get dressed soon, I have to run first. I'm still a little worked up."

Yoruichi gave a guilty smile. "Sorry about that."

I started to climb out the window. "It's ok, you can't be blamed for how hot you look."

Yoruichi looked away blushing.

Then I dipped.

* * *

We made it to Division 4 after we got ready. The building was huge and crawling with busy medical personal. We walked inside and up a few flights of stairs and into a main lobby with a desk at the center. I recognized the silver haired girl sitting behind it as Isane. When we walked up to her she bowed.

"I will be taking you to Lady Unohana, please follow me."

I smirked at her. "We had fun the other night didn't we?"

She blushed. "Ugh y-yes hahaha."

Yoruichi glared and looked away. Typical player.

We started to follow Isane down a long hallway.

"Nice moves Casinova." Yoruichi growled under her breath.

"Oh shut up we didn't do anything!"

"Looks like she wants to do something…" Yoruichi hissed.

We stopped bantering when we came to a large door with carvings in the molding. Isane bowed and left.

"Come in." Said a soft voice.

We both entered the large door into Unohana's personal office. There were several medical posters and charts hanging on the wall. Some diagrams of human organs graced the furniture as well. Unohana sat peacefully at her desk with her hands folded.

She smiled. "I've been expecting you two."

We took our seats.

"You said you had more information on Soi Fon's memory loss?" Yoruichi inquired.

"Indeed I do!"

She reached behind her desk and pulled out a pill bottle. She opened it dropping a single blue capsule onto her desk.

"What's that?" I asked.

"This is XZ-39, it's nick name is "The clean slate.""

"What does it do?" Yoruichi asked.

"XZ-39 was developed by the Department of Research and Development as a tool for assassins primarily in the punishment force. This pill has recently been issued exclusively to Squad 2 and Punishment Force only. It's purpose is to wipe clean the memory of the person who consumes it.

"Why would you invent that?"

"When someone is captured and used to torture for information this pill is supposed to be taken so that the perpetrator is unable to extract vital information."

Yoruichi rubbed her chin. "I see, and this has something to do with Soi Fon.

"Yes. I know for a fact that Captain Fon was issued one of these pills. It is my belief that she got into a situation where she had to take the pill or simply took it accidently, thinking it was cold medicine."

"So now that we know what happened can we reverse it?"

Unohana rubbed the back of her head.

"See that's the tricky part. XZ-39 is our most advanced memory erasing drug. In actuality you can't really erase memories you can only block them."

"But Kurotsuchi said Soi's brain had no reaction. That all of the memories were gone!"

"That's the way XZ-39 works. It's a virus that we've made that completely locks away someone's memory from themselves. It's so advanced it won't show up on a brain scan. Not even the most skilled memory extractors can get through it."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "So if you can't beat the virus then why are we here?"

"I said the most skilled memory extractors can't crack it. But that's because they don't have the original virus. We hold the original virus in one of our labs and when you have a virus you can make a vaccine."

Yoruichi's eyes lit up.

"So you can cure Soi?"

"It's not for sure, but definitely possible. She will be the first person we test it on."

Yoruichi smiled at me and squeezed my hand.

"You're gonna be ok."

* * *

We finished with Unohana and Yoruichi vigorously thanked her. I thought I could even see tears of happiness in her eyes. I wasn't sure about how I felt about getting my memories back. What if I had a lot of painful ones that were worth forgetting?

Soon we were in front of the big oak doors.

"Enter!"

The doors slid open and we walked through as they closed behind us. Yamamoto seemed to be lounging in his big chair again.

"Are you ready for mission?"

I sighed and nodded.

Yamamoto pulled out a folder and looked through it.

"This mission is simple you will portray a high school student with Ichigo and his friends as a cover. Your real purpose will be to rid Karakura of all hollows. And Miss Shihouin you may assume the same role if you please."

I made a grabbing motion with my hands. "Yes! High school parties and girls!"

Yamamoto eyed me.

"Under no circumstances Captain will you have any sexual relations with a student!"

"Are you serious? Age is just a number!"

"Are you leading me to believe that you would be with a woman no matter how young or old they may be?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, pussy doesn't have a face."

Yamamoto stared at me, and Yoruichi just slapped her face.

"Unless the girl is really fat, then you can't even see the pussy. That's called a pussy situation!"

"I expect you to be at your post tomorrow."

I shook my hips.

"I wanna dance with somebody!"

**Have you ever been in a pussy situation? Let me know. Review...(no flames, i hate you :P)**


	14. You came on me

Yoruichi and I had returned from the Soul Society. We were currently walking through the street shops to find a certain store that carried school uniforms. I wasn't happy. I hated any kind of uniform. Hell I even refused to wear a standard Soul Reaper Uniform and a Captain's Haori. So the idea of mandatorily having to wear the same thing as everything else made me cranky. We rounded a corner and saw a sign on top of a store that read "School Uniforms".

"This must be it." Yoruichi pointed out.

We both walked into the store and found a man behind a counter with several different colored uniforms on shelves behind him.

"How may I help you ladies?" He greeted.

"We need school uniforms, we start tomorrow." Yoruichi explained.

"What school with you be attending?"

"Karakura High School."

"I see." He walked over to the shelves and started to pick through them.

"I think you would be a medium and waist size 4. And the little one would be a small and waist size 0."

"I'm normal sized!" I seethed.

"Of course you are, for a freshman."

"It's my Junior year!" I grumbled.

The man pulled a couple sets of clothes off the shelf and put them in front of us. I looked down and saw a short skirt, and blouse, and a grey jacket sitting in front of me. This was even worse than a soul reaper uniform! I pushed the clothes away.

"You need to take these back now!"

"What do you mean? That's the Karakura girl's uniform." The man seemed confused.

"There is no way in hell I'm wearing this!"

"Well what do you expect to wear young lady?"

"I need a button up shirt and men's size 28 pants pronto!"

The clerk took away the original uniform and replaced it with a small men's uniform.

I looked at it and smiled. "I'll take 3 sets."

"Soi you can't get away with wearing the boys uniform, you'll get into trouble."

"I paid for my uniforms and turned on my heel.

"I don't give a shit, those assholes can bite my clit!"

* * *

The sun was just peeking over the hills and shining in through the shades. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth in nothing but my bra and tiny boxers. I spat the paste out, washed my mouth, and walked back into the bedroom Yoruichi was still sleeping soundly in bed. We had spent the previous night together again. It seemed like it was becoming a regular thing, her and I spending each night locked in each others' arms. I was becoming quite accustomed to it. The thought of the waking up next to the same person every morning seemed to please me. I wouldn't mind settling down for once and retire from chasing girls, and waking up next to randoms in the morning.

I crawled onto the bed until I was hovering over her. I pulled the covers back slightly so I would be granted access to tender flesh of her neck. I ducked my head down and planted light butterfly kisses along her neckline. She moaned softly. I brought my lips to her ear.

"You have to get up if you still want to take a shower."

Yoruichi groaned. "No I don't."

I chuckled a little. "Yes you do. We're in High School now remember?"

She rolled over and halfway opened her eyes, looking up at me. Her goldern orbs seemed to glow a little in the darkness of the room. She ran her hands against my cheeks, down my neck, and across my chest. Closing her eyes again she sighed deeply.

"We're really going to do this?"

"Yes Yoruichi it's a mission we have to. Plus Renji and Rukia have the same assignment so they'll be there to, it'll be fun."

She opened her eyes again. "Hmph if you say so."

I leaned back on my side to allow her to get up. She pushed the warm comforter off her body and swiftly got to her feet. Yoruichi walked to one of the drawers and made her way to the bathroom.

"Hey Yoruichi." I called.

"What's that?"

I smirked. "Nice thong."

She hadn't yet paid attention to that fact that she had slept in her underwear. She glared at me and undid the towel wrapping it around her.

"Fucking pervert!"

She disappeared into the bathroom leaving me to change into my uniform. I pulled on the pants first. They were a little long and bunched up at my ankles. They were technically skinny styled pants but the waist was still a little loose on me, sagging a little so that the band of my underwear was showing. I pulled my shirt on next and buttoned it up. It was fine except or the fact that the sleeves seemed to be very wide. I pulled it off again and took out some scissors. Goodbye sleeves. Once I was dressed I slipped into a grey pair of vans and put my bowler hat on my head.

Yoruichi came out of the bathroom fully clothes in her uniform. Her blouse was unbuttoned at the top reveling some of her cleavage, but not enough to be considered trashy. But that skirt seemed awfully short on her. Size 4, really?

And they way she swayed her hips when she walked, damn, you can't touch that kind of shit.

She grabbed her bag. "Are you ready to go?"

I eyed her skirt and her long toned legs. "That skirt seems awfully short on you."

"And you'll do good to keep your hands out of it." Yoruichi snorted as she walked past me.

I wasn't going to let her get away that easy. I grabbed the back of her shirt and spun her around into my arms catching her lips into a kiss. She moved her lips against mine and ran a hand through my hair. She broke the kiss after a brief moment.

"You think you're really smooth don't you?"

"Smooth Operator." I smirked.

She rolled her eyes at me and broke out of my hold heading down the stairs. I followed suit.

* * *

Soon enough we arrived at Karakura High School. We were early of course because we had to get orientation and class schedules. We arrived at the principle's office and went over a brief overview of the school. Then we got our class schedules. I pride myself in being a sort of master criminal. So I hacked into the school computers, giving Yoruichi and I the same classes and also the easiest ones.

Homeroom was first. I knew that's where we would see Ichigo and all of his friends. Class had already begun while we were doing orientation. Yoruichi was in front of me and she opened the door to the class going in first. I tightly followed behind her. We walked in and the room was filled with young looking students. There was a teacher up front and she noticed us right away.

"May I help you two?"

Yoruichi spoke up. "We're new transfer students."

She approached us. "I'm Mrs. Takahashi, what are your names?"

"I'm Yoruichi Shihouin and this is my friend Soi Fon."

"Ah welcome Ms. Shihouin and Mr. Fon."

I could hear cackling from the back of the class. I immediately recognized Ichigo.

"Soi Fon is a girl!" He laughed.

Mrs. Takahashi turned red.

"Soi Fon why aren't you wearing your proper uniform?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm a transgender."

"Oh my God I'm sorry I didn't know." She said putting her hand on her chest.

I shook my head. "I'm just fucking with you, what did you think I grew a dick or something?"

She glared at me. "That's not matter to joke about Ms. Fon!"

"You know what is also a serious matter? Lesbians in convents. If that became a pressing issue I would become Catholic so quick you have no idea."

The rest of the class started to laugh.

"There are plenty of other lesbians in this school Soi Fon and they all comply with the uniform protocol, you are no exception."

I waved a finger at her. "See Ms. PYT I'm so butch you could pretty much bend steel on my abs, you get my case?"

"PYT?"

"Pretty Young Thing, Michael Jackson anyone?"

I looked around, no response.

"Well Ms. Fon if you insist on being a cross dresser I guess I can't stop you, but you must do something about those sleeves. What happened to them?"

I pointed at Yoruichi. "She stole them from me."

Yoruichi gaped at me.

Mrs. Takahashi rolled her eyes. "Ms. Shihouin please give Ms. Fon's sleeves back to her. Now both of you go take a seat next to Kurosaki and Abarai. We both nodded and shuffled to the back to where Ichigo and Renji were sitting. We both sat down dropping our bags. I pushed my seat back putting my arms behind my head making my hat tip a little.

"Ichigo and Renji turned around in their seats.

"Glad you idiots finally made it!" Renji laughed.

Yoruichi glared.

"Of course, I would never miss a chance to hang out with my best friends." I punched him in the arm.

"I like the sleeves cut off it's a nice touch." Ichigo commented.

"Class I need to step out to get a few supplies, I'll be back in a few minutes."

Mrs. Takahashi exited the room. This was my chance!

I got up and paced to the front of the room.

I snapped my fingers. "May I have your attention please!"

I pulled a chair out in front of me.

"I'm here to inform you that this teacher is a raging lesbian, I saw her at a gay club not too long a go and she was with another girl and they were doing this."

I took off my shirt and tipped the chair and started to thrust into it. The whole class started to howl in laughter.

"What's this?"

My heart sank. Mrs. Takahashi was standing in the doorway. I stepped away from the chair and picked up my shirt. I could see a few girls and boys looking at my body.

"What were you doing to that chair?"

I rubbed my chin. "Well you see we don't have a health class this year and I was just demonstrating some sex ed. You know how when you get the hormones and wetness. The pee going in the vagee. Cumming, inside or in the mouth. Or if your gay, it's in the butt. You can suck dick if you want. I think it's called DSL. Dick Sucking Lips. And ,oh if your lesbian you can fuck on each other with your hands and mouths. And do the thing with the clit. It's all very technical shit.

"Your language is offensive!"

"Spermicidal lube is also offensive, what's the big deal just pull out. Point set match douche bag."

Mrs. Takahashi balled her fists. "I want you to go to your seat and not say another word for the rest of this lesson, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

I gulped and nodded.

* * *

Lunch time came soon after a couple of periods Yoruichi and I chose to have lunch with Renji, Ichigo and Rukia. We were all talking about my memory loss.

"Has it been difficult?" Rukia questioned.

"Not really, I don't know what I'm missing so it's no different to me."

"You said there might me a cure though?" Renji inquired.

"It's in testing right now, it's not for sure yet."

As we were talking a group of girls approached us they all sat down on the grass with us so I assumed they were friends of Ichigo.

"Yoruichi, Soi Fon that's Tatsuki, Chizuru, and Orihime."

Tatsuki sat across from me. "I heard about your sex ed stunt in home room."

I grinned. "It's that so?"

She laughed. "Things spread fast around here."

The one named Chizuru came up to my side and put her hand on my thigh.

"Hmm you look so strong and cute to."

Jealousy began to rise in Yoruichi. She kind of considered Soi fon to be hers, and she didn't like this girl touching her property. Yoruichi scooted closer to Soi Fon and brushed their hands together,

Chizuru noticed this little motion.

"How long have you two been fucking?"

Yoruichi sprayed water out of her mouth.

I smiled and tipped my hat. "25 years, we have 3 kids."

"What?"

"Ok 15 years, we have 1 kid."

"What the fuck are you saying?"

"Come on man what do you want weed, coke? Just get straight with me!"

Yoruichi waved her hands. "It's not like that, we're just friends."

I snorted "That's not what you said when I had my hand in your panties!"

Everyone's eyes went wide and jaws dropped to the floor.

Yoruichi got really flustered. "Hahaha she-she's just joking!"

"Seriously? You came all over my stomach!"

Yoruichi nearly fell over, she couldn't believe this was happening.

**Review Please. If you have any good high school stories send them to me!**


	15. Love Shack

I looked around but my vision blurred. All I saw was green. I closed my eyes and re-opened them to focus again. I was in a forest. The light breeze ran through the trees, shaking them and throwing leaves onto the ground. I had an eerie feeling. Everything was at a heightened sense of reality. Kind of surreal. I looked down at myself. I was in my uniform. But my sleeves and back were missing. I also noticed I was on my knees. I could smell the sweet grass beneath me. I brought my hands up to my face to touch my face. I could feel the hot wetness. There were tears flowing from my silver eyes. I let a sob rip through my lungs. I felt like the world was closing in around on me. I looked in front of me. It was Yoruichi! She proceeded to get on her knees in front of me. She had marks all over her that looked like butterfly tattoos. Her golden eyes were mesmerizing. She looked hurt. Like she felt guilty, sad for me.

"W-Why d-didn't you take me with you?" I sobbed.

She reached for me and pulled me into her strong caramel skinned arms. My walls had been broken down. I grabbed her jacket in my fists and buried my head in the crook of her neck.

"Please don't leave!" I begged.

"I'm here, I'm staying. I'm here with you." She soothed rubbing my back.

"Please, please stay with me!" I cried.

She leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. "I'm here." She repeated.

Everything faded to black.

I was sitting down in the sakura grove. The flowers had just begun to bloom and the petals were dancing in the air. It was a cool spring evening and a full moon was out. I looked around to my right and Yoruichi sat calmly next to me. Our eyes didn't meet. She simply gazed at the moon, her eyes sparkling in the light. She let out a sigh and leaned her head on my shoulder. This action made me feel a little uncomfortable, but I went with it anyways.

"It's such a beautiful night isn't it Bee?"

"Yes it is Yoruichi-sama-"

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me Yoruichi-sama?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "It would be improper to call you anything else."

Yoruichi scoffed. "There you go again with those rules and customs."

Yoruichi lifted her head from my shoulder and took my chin in between her fingers, tilting my head up.

"You have the most beautiful eyes." She smiled.

I pushed her hand away. "What's so special about grey eyes?"

"Your eyes aren't grey they're like a warm silver."

She put her hand on my cheek and turned my head back to hers.

"That's just one of the things I love about you."

Then she leaned in and pressed her soft lips to mine. I immediately pushed her away. When she opened her eyes she had a very hurt look on her face.

"Y-Yoruichi-sama w-we can't do that, it's inappropriate!" I blushed hard.

"Why because you're a Fon and I'm a Shihouin?"

"Y-Yes." I said shyly.

Yoruichi took my hand in hers. "Soi Fon if you love someone their social status shouldn't keep you from being together."

"But what would people say?" I asked.

She wiggled her nose against mine. "This will be our little secret."

I blushed again. "I-I've always loved you Yoruichi-sama, ever since I was a little girl."

"I love you to Soi Fon."

She pressed her lips to mine again.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed.

I sat up in bed panting. I looked around. I was still in Yoruichi's bedroom thank God. My whole body was drenched in sweat. What was that? A dream? It seemed a little to real to be a dream. Yoruichi roused next to me. She sat up and draped her arm around me, resting her chin on my shoulder.

"Did you have a bed dream babe?"

I shook my head.

"It wasn't really bad, it was just interesting."

"Interesting how?"

"Hey did we ever…."

"Did we ever what?"

"You know, never mind. It was just a dream, it doesn't mean anything."

Yoruichi gave me a confused look. I gave a shaky laugh and got out of bed. I put my arms out stretching my stiff muscles.

"I'm going to take a shower, you should get ready. We'll have school soon."

Yoruichi looked concerned but didn't say anything.

I went into the bathroom and stripped my underwear off. Turning the knob in the shower I waited until the water got hot. I stepped in and let the scorching water untie the knots in my muscles. What was with those dreams? They seemed so familiar.

* * *

Yoruichi and I walked into our home room and as we passed by the teacher's desk Mrs. Takahashi bent down to get something. I noticed a nice pink lacey long coming out of her pants. Nice!

I was still wearing my sleeveless button up, but this time I had undid a lot of buttons revealing my black bra. We took our seats next to Renji and Ichigo. The teacher began the lesson and I decided to take notes. That was until my pencil broke. There was a pencil sharpener across the room. So I got up to go and use it. Without turning around the teacher began to scold me.

Ms. Fon I noticed you're showing a little skin today, care to button up?"

I flipped around. I really had a problem with this teacher always telling me to adjust my uniform!

"Yes I would care to button up, because I also noticed that nice pink lacey thong your wearing."

The teacher turned her head, her face turning bright red. The rest of the class started to giggle.

"I-I I"

"I-I I, what?" I mocked her.

I pulled my shirt open revealing my chest.

"So if you see a faded sign on the side of the road that says 15 miles to the love shack, bring your money. Because looking is for free, but touching is going to cost you!"

The class started to whoop and holler at my exposed chest. After I was done I let my shirt go and stomped back to my desk. I sat down with a huff.

"You really like showing yourself off don't you?" Yoruichi whispered harshly.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever cocoa butter!"

The bell rang and we all shuffled out of class. Yoruichi and I walked down the hall with Ichigo. We all had Home Ec. next. As we were walking we saw Rukia walking towards us.

"Hi Ichigo!" She smiled.

"Hey."

If I wasn't mistaken I thought I was sure Ichigo was blushing.

"So are you going to Hideki's party this weekend?"

Ichigo rubbed his neck nervously.

"Yeah well it's gonna be a maybe for me."

"Oh really why?"

"Why there are so many other fun parties going on all the time."

"Oh really I never see you at any."

"Well I'm so busy just doing other fun shit." He laughed

She smiled. "Ok well I'll see you at home then."

She left and once she was gone I punched him in the ribs.

"What the hell was that for?" He demanded.

I pointed an accusing finger. "You like her!"

"No I don-"

"SMACK "

I hit him in the head this time.

"Don't you fucking lie to me, I know love when I see it."

"Ok fine I like her, but she'll never feel the same way. Soul Reaper and a human. It will never work!"

I winked. "We will see about that."

We all walked into our class and we took partners for cooking. Yoruichi got paired with Ichigo. I got paired with Orihime. I looked at her from across the room as she smiled and her giant breasts bounced up and down. I smiled. This was going to be a good class.

Orihime and I worked well together. Mixing the ingredients and pouring the right amounts into the measuring cups. When our Tira Misu was baked we spent our time putting the cocoa on top of it.

"So what are you doing this weekend?" She asked.

"Probably do a shit load of coke."

"So you really like soda?"

I just rolled my eyes.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm having a party at my house since I don't have parents and all that. I would love it if you came."

"Who is going?"

"Well Rukia is definatel-"

"Wait so Rukis is for sure going?"

"Oh of course and Tatsuki, and Chizuru…."

"Excuse me for a moment."

I bowed and made my way over to Ichigo and Yoruichi. I pulled Ichigo away not wanting Yoruichi to hear.

"Orihime is having a party." I hissed in his ear.

"So what's that got to do with me?"

"She said Rukia is for sure going to go!"

"It doesn't matter, she'll never go for me."

I pulled his arm back.

"Look it's gonna work, you'll be drunk, she'll be drunk, it will all go into place. It couldn't be more perfect!"

"I don't know man, I don't think I can do it."

I slapped his chest.

"Don't be such a puss!"

Just then the door to the class opened and Renji walked in.

"What are you doing here? You're not in this class."

Renji walked up to us.

"Guess what?"

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not here to play stupid guessing games."

"Dude I'm getting a fake ID so we can buy alcohol this weekend and get crunk!"

I held out my hand.

"See Ichigo this will be perfect now we have someone who can buy alcohol for this weekend so that we can party, and you can get with Rukia!"

Ichigo scoffed. "Whatever, I'm sure you have some crazy plan!"

I smirked and gave him a wink.

**Who is the first person you got with in high school? I love stories. Review please!**


	16. Show me your Genitals

**WARNING: This chapter contains a lot of offensive language and racial slander. I am in no way a racist myself, this content is just for the sake of the plot. If Middle Eastern/Asian/African American slander offends you don't read this chapter. This is my only warning. Do not read and come accuse me of being a racist because I'm not.**

The bell rang and Ichigo and I walked out of class. It was the last class of the day and I was already getting sick of high school. The people weren't bad. It was just the teacher's need to incessantly fill us with unneeded information. I mean the reason why I took this mission in the first place was because I thought I'd be going to parties and getting hot young girls. That brings us to Orihime. She is young and hot with amazing tits. And I definitely plan on having my way with her when she gets drunk. I certainly know what you're thinking. What about Yoruichi? Here's the deal. That woman is not my girlfriend nor are we an official item, I am free to be. Sure we might be something in the future, but for the record SHE shut me down twice!

"Yo Soi Fon!" Ichigo snapped his fingers in front of my face.

"Yeah sorry what's up?"

"So what are we going to do this weekend? Another club?"

I pushed his hand away. "No douche bag, we're going to Orihime's party. And you're getting laid."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah right, Rukia would never go for me."

"Heyyyy guyyys!"

Orihime walked up to us with Tatsuki and Chizuru at her sides.

"Hey you guys are coming to my party right?"

I put on a winning smile. "Of course!"

"I heard you guys talking earlier about a fake ID?"

Ichigo sighed and looked away.

"Yeah Renji is going to get one."

"So do you think you guys can get us alcohol?"

I scratched my head. "I think that's possible."

She squealed and clapped her hands. "That's great!"

Orihime held out a one hundred. "Take this, oh and here's a list of things to get."

"I want some Mike's hard lemonade." Tatsuki chimed in.

"Ok I can do that."

"Awesome, because you know if you scratch our back we'll scratch yours."

"Well you see my back is on my vagina." I winked.

"I'm so in." Chizuru offered.

I made a disgusted face. "Not you Whitney Houston!"

Orihime giggled. "Ok I'll see you tonight."

She touched my arm and walked away.

I turned to Ichigo. "Did you see that?"

"I saw you getting into a bad situation."

"No dumbass this is perfect!"

"How exactly do you figure?"

"We're the ones getting alcohol! Everyone is going to think we're the shit. Orihime wants my clit in and around her mouth. And this is when you can get Rukia!"

"I still think this is a bad idea."

"Meet me at the liquor store by Urahara at 5."

"Uh fine."

I met Yoruichi outside the school and made sure to tell her nothing about my covert plans. We walked back to Urahara Shoten to wait for Renji. I really hope he came through with this fake ID.

I sat at the dining table with Kisuke sipping a glass of bourbon and reading a gossip magazine.

"Man how is Lindsay going to get out of this one?" I muttered.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Kisuke was staring at me.

"Can I help you?" I was annoyed.

"Why don't we ever talk?"

I looked back at my magazine. "We have nothing in common."

"Sure we do, I used to be a captain. You're a captain to."

I put my magazine down. "Fine what do you want to talk about?"

"Anything. Soul Society, politics, celebrities?"

"Let's see…..boring, pointless, and overrated."

"Ok what do you think is worth talking about?"

I sipped my drink. "Racial issues."

"What kind of racial issues?"

"For example, why do Asian people want to be white so bad?"

"You really think Asian people want to be white?"

"I do. You should see what I see when I go to Tokyo. All these Japanese people dye their hair blonde. It's like an obsession. And when they draw manga all of the people are white. It's out of control."

"I don't think that really makes sense."

"And I hate those things called gingers. You should see the way Ichigo walks around. Ooooh look at my hair cut I'm sooo special give me a prize please!"

"That's not a very progressive way of thinking."

"Which brings me to my second point. Black people hate all other races."

"So you're telling me all black people all racist?"

"Exactly. They completely isolate themselves and live in places called the ghetto. One time I went there to use the bathroom and another girl was in there. She was like na uhhh white gurrlll! I had no idea what she was talking about. I'm fucking Asian. But I'm pretty sure she was going to cut me with her nail clippers."

"Do you even know how narrow minded you sound?"

"You know what? I think Yoruichi is a nigger."

"Soi Fon you shouldn't say-"

"Hey Yoruichi get in here!" I yelled.

Yoruichi walked in from the other room.

"What's up guys?"

"Show us your genitals!"

"Umm excuse me?"

"The way you can tell if someone is really a nigger is if their genitals look blue."

"Are you accusing me of being black again?"

"Well if it looks like a nigger and it talks like a nigger then it must be a nigger."

"You're a fucking racist asshole Soi Fon!"

"I tried telling her." Kisuke shook his head.

"Just show us your vagina!" I grabbed the hem of her pants.

She ripped my hands off and backed away. "What the fuck. Where do you get off using words like that?

"What? It's just a word. Fuck is also a word. "Fuck me" is a request. But you won't do that will you?"

Yoruichi turned bright red.

"Stop trying to get in my pants!"

She turned on her heel and stomped out of the room.

Kisuke looked at me from under his hat. "You know if you keep fucking up with her like that you're gonna loose her."

"So what I've got plenty of bitches on deck."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about. If you keep a mentality like that you can't fully commit yourself to Yoruichi."

"You know when I walk out on the street. I see couples holding hands and kissing. It kind of warms my heart. The thought of being with one person forever. Then I think of having sex with only the same person forever. And I think oh…FUCK THAT!"

Kisuke stood up from the table. "Keep thinking like that and you'll lose the best thing you've ever had. Tread lightly my dear."

He tipped his hat and walked out of the room.

I snorted. What did he know about women? He wasn't in any kind of relationship.

Just then Renji burst through the door and ran up to me.

"I got it! I got it!"

I held out my hand. "Let me see."

I examined the picture first. It was a current picture of Renji so that was good. It had all the necessary seals and holograms making it look legit. Then I turned my eyes to the name and information and my eyes went wide.

"Renji it says your name is Marcus Huebscher?"

"Yeah it's an ID from Finland."

I smacked him on the head hard.

"OW! What the fuck was that for?"

"You idiot! Why the fuck would you get an ID from Finland?"

"Because it's cool, women love European men!"

I hit him again.

"That is bullshit Renji why couldn't you get a normal Japanese driver's license?"

"Calm down ok it's gonna work."

"Well it better we have to meet Ichigo now."

"Fine let's go."

I looked at what he was wearing. He had a white shirt, black pants and a vest.

"Are you seriously wearing that vest?"

"Yeah its for style, makes me look older."

"Take it off, you look like fucking Muhammad."

Renji and I walked across the street and around the corner to King's Liquor. Ichigo was outside kicking stones.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Well Renji got the ID but its from fucking Finland so it's going to have to work."

"Finland?"

"I know."

I turned to Renji and held out the list and the cash. "Alright here's what you need."

Renji looked at the list. "I don't know if I can do this, this is a lot of stuff."

I grabbed his shoulders. "Pull your shit together, you're the one who got the Finnish ID. Now go in and get the fucking alcohol."

"Damnit I should have worn the vest!" He turned around and walked in the store.

Ichigo and I decided to post up behind the corner.

"So are you feeling lucky tonight?" I asked.

"Yeah I brought a condom and some spermicidal lube."

I smacked my head. "Are you kidding me? Spermicidal lube?"

"Yeah I just want to make it more enjoyable."

I grabbed the lube and threw it across the parking lot.

"Your not fucking old women Ichigo, these girls are young and hot. Their pussies get wet and then you put your dick in. You don't use lube! Did you learn anything in your stupid health class?"

"Well thanks now you owe me 8 dollars."

"Fuck you."

Renji walked inside the store. He nervously perused the isles looking for the things on the list. He curiously picked up a bottle to look at it and it slipped through his fingers and crashed on the floor.

"Shit!"

He ran down another isle and started loading liquor into his basket. Once he was done. He approached the cash register.

"I'll take these."

The cashier started scanning the bottles and putting them in bags.

Renji pointed to a bottle of rum. "I love that stuff, been drinking it for years."

"Ok I'm going to need to see some ID."

"Really? Makes me feel young again haha."

Renji took the fake ID out of his wallet and showed it to her.

"Wow how is Europe?" She asked.

"Umm err it's amazing."

"I've always wanted to go there."

I cant't believe she bought it!

Just then two men burst in the doors holding guns. It was GIN and AIZEN.

They threw a bag on the counter.

"Put the money in the bag!"

**So funny story when I was in High School my fake ID was from Finland and my name was Annisophie Huebscher. the picture looked relatively like me so I used it to get in all kinds of trouble. Write a review and tell me a fake ID story.**

**BTW: Soi Fon will get her shit together eventually. She's just a hot mess right now. **


	17. This Girl is on Fire

"Put the money in the bag!"

It was Aizen and Gin!

Gin stood to the side as Aizen threw the bag on the counter.

Renji's mouth dropped to the floor. Why were the two most wanted men in the Soul Society robbing a liquor store?

The cashier started to scream and cry. "Please! Please don't shoot!"

Aizen pointed his gun at her. "Have you heard the song "This girl is on fire" from Alicia Keys?"

"What?" The woman gasped through her sobs.

"Have you heard "This girl is on fire?" Aizen yelled.

"Yes, yes I have!" She cried.

"Good because if you don't go and get the money from the safe. This girl (Aizen pointed to himself) is going to light this store on fire."

The girl nodded and ran to the back.

Gin dropped his gun. "Such as good song!"

Aizen looked back at him. "I know. What do you think about going to Flicks and doing Karaoke tonight?"

"I'm down."

"What the hell is going on here?" Renji shouted.

* * *

I stopped my arguing with Ichigo when we both heard loud shouting coming from the Liquor store. We ran around the corner to check it out, but we hid ourselves. We looked into the window and saw two figures pointing guns at the cashiers and Renji standing to the side.

"Shit we are so fucked!" I said through gritted teeth.

"What are we going to do?" Ichigo asked.

"We have to get out of here and find some other way to get alcohol."

"But what about Renji?"

"Renji can handle himself."

"You're such an ass!"

BOOOOOM!

I cried out as I felt something rip a hole into my shoulder. The only thing I saw was green light. I staggered forward trying to keep my balance, clutching my bleeding shoulder. I balanced myself and turned around. Ulquiorra was standing several feet away with his finger pointed at me. Ichigo rushed to my side to try and defend me.

"Did you just fire a fucking cero at me?" I yelled.

Ulquiorra looked very flustered. He ran up to me.

"I'm so sorry I was supposed to stake out this area for Lord Aizen, I thought you were a Soul Society agent!"

I smacked him in the head. "Are your eyes drunk or something? You can't recognize me?"

"I'm sorry how can make it up to you?" He asked.

I pondered it for a minute.

"You better buy me a shit ton of alcohol or I'm calling Soul Society!"

"Ok, ok." He took out his wallet and pulled out some money and gave it to me.

"This is 7 dollars. I can't even buy a beer with this you fuck head. I'm calling Soul Society!"

Ichigo took out his phone and waved it at Ulquiorra.

"No, no. Ok check this out. I'm going to a party right now and there will be tons of alcohol. I'll bring you guys with me!"

Ichigo and I looked at each other.

"Fine but this better be good!"

Ulquiorra clapped his hands. "Alright let's go to my car!"

We followed Ulquiorra to his car. He got in the driver seat and Ichigo and I chose to sit in the back.

* * *

"What the hell is going on here?" Renji shouted.

For the first time Gin and Aizen seemed to notice he was in the room.

They both laughed and held up their arms. "HEY RENJI!"

"Ugh yeah?"

"What's up man haven't seen you in a while!" Aizen asked elbowing him in the ribs.

"Umm nothing I'm just getting alcohol for a party."

"We love parties!" Gin smiled.

"Do you have an actual ID?"

Renji took out his ID and gave it to Aizen.

Aizen looked at his ID and then looked back at him. "Marcus Huebscher?"

Renji started to sweat. "Yeah it's just a fakie."

Aizen and Gin started laughing hysterically. "MARCUS HUEBSCHER!" They sang.

"So umm why are you robbing a liquor store?"

Gin tapped his chin with his gun. "Running Las Noches is really expensive. Do you have any idea how many people want to drink patron and cold 45? It's ridiculous.

Aizen crossed his arms. "Yeah we robbed a Curves earlier today."

"Why would you rob Curves?"

"It just seemed like a fun idea." Gin smiled.

The cashier came back into the room and frantically put several stacked bundles of cash in the bag.

"I gave you the cash now p-please l-leave." She whimpered.

Aizen took the bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Of course. Thank you for supporting Las Noches. Come visit sometime."

"Where are you headed Renji?" Gin asked

"Umm Park and 5th."

"That's great we'll take you there."

"But my friends are waiting for me outside."

Gin poked his head outside. "There's no one here."

Aizen smiled. "It's settled then we're taking you."

* * *

Night had fallen and we were cruising along steadily in Ulquiorra's car. Ulquiorra was listening to the radio and singing along to the music.

"I want to love you, PYT pretty young thing!"

"Ulquiorra stop singing you're giving me a headache." I yelled.

"I'm just having some fun, you guys ready to party?"

My phone started ringing. I didn't recognize the number but I answered anyway.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey Soi Fon it's Orihime."

My mood instantly perked up.

"Hey what's up?"

"I was just wondering if you were still planning on coming to my party?"

"YEAH PARTY!" Ulquiorra shouted.

What a fucking idiot. I ignored him.

"Yeah I'm still coming, and I'm going to get the alcohol to."

"That's perfect I'll see you soon!"

The sweetness in her voice made me smile. "Yeah I'll see you to."

Then I hung up the phone.

"So was that your lady friend?" Ulquiorra asked.

"No it was Orihime."

"She's hot can you hook us up?" He asked.

"Keep driving dumbass!"

* * *

Renji followed Gin and Aizen out of the store, with his bag of alcohol. He followed them to their car. It seemed to be a brand new black on black camaro.

"Step lightly guys the police should be on their way." Aizen remarked.

They pulled back the seat and let him get in the back. Once he was in they pushed the seat back in place and got in. Aizen turned on the car and took off at a high speed.

"So are you guys still going to try and take over the Soul Society?" Renji asked.

They both laughed in unison.

Renji cocked an eyebrow.

Aizen took a sharp turn. "You know Renji taking over the Soul Society is such an overrated project. I really enjoy being a career criminal."

"As in?"

"Prostituting and cocaine, it's simply wonderful. I'm wondering why I didn't think of it in the first place."

"But don't you still have the Hogyoku?"

"Yes I do I actually wear it as a necklace charm. It looks pretty cool."

Renji was so confused.

"I knew I wanted to be a criminal when I did my first B/E." Gin commented.

"Breakfast and eggs?" Renji asked.

"No breaking and entering."

"Oh so what happened?"

"I was in the Soul Society walking the streets. Then I found it the perfect house. So I marched right up to the door and I kicked it in. I stood there for a moment. Then I went inside and I left a lava lamp on the table and ran away."

"So you broke into a house and gave them a lava lamp?"

"I did, stealing just seemed irrelevant. I just thought it would be funny to leave something weird behind."

Aizen's phone started to ring. He took it out and answered it.

"Lord Aizen speaking."

"Yes my lord this is Tia, I have news about the spy."

"I am ready to receive."

"He's been spotted at Fiesta Cantina bar on University."

"Roger that we'll be right there."

Aizen hung up his phone. "Renji we're going on a little detour."

"You call yourself Lord Aizen?"

"Why not? You should hear what I call my penis."

**So Renji seems to be in a tight situation. Soi Fon is a little distracted with other girls right now, but don't worry stick with me and you'll always have a happily ever after ending. That's a guarantee! Review please.**


	18. Lady Jizz

Aizen pulled into a parking space at a bar marked "Fiesta Cantina." Aizen and Gin both got out. They pulled up the seat for Renji to get out. They all walked into the bar. Both Aizen and Gin had their hands rested on their guns. They walked inside and everything was buzzing with chatter and music. Gin pointed to a man sitting at the bar.

"That's him!"

"Hey you!" Aizen shouted.

The man looked around and his eyes went wide. He immediately stood up and knocked over his chair. The man started running around throwing chairs and beer bottles at Aizen and Gin.

Gin pulled out his gun. "Should I shoot him?" He yelled.

Aizen ran after him, but he quickly dodged around tables. The man ran around the room and towards the kitchen. Renji was standing right by the kitchen entrance and the crazy man was headed straight for him.

"Renji do something!" Aizen yelled.

Renji reached behind the bar and pulled out a full bottle of beer. Once the man came in front of him he smashed the bottle on his head and he fell to the floor out cold.

"MARCUS HUEBSCHER!" They both cheered.

Once the crazy guy was handcuffed and put in the back seat. They sat at the bar and ordered a few beers.

"This is a pretty cool place." Renji commented.

"Yeah I met my first wife here." Gin said.

"She was a whore." Aizen added.

"She was, she was a whore." Gin mused.

"How so?" Renji asked.

"Well I came in here several years ago and I saw her from across the bar. I complimented her on her tote bag and 10 minutes later she had her mouth around the tip of my cock. That's the way she was. The whole time we were together she blew every guy she met."

"Oh I see."

"On our wedding night we had group sex. I wasn't involved. But I heard it from the other room."

"But his new wife is very lovely." Aizen commented.

"Yes she is, we met at a farmer's market. One minute we were going for the same onion and the next we were soul mates." Gin smiled.

"How are you with the ladies?" Aizen asked.

"Well I'm more into the cuming with the ladies." Renji laughed nervously.

"Coming?" Aizen questioned.

"Oh like cuming!" Gin made a fist motion into his mouth.

Aizen laughed. "That's fucking comedy."

Gin's phone started beeping. He opened it and looked at the screen.

"Shit, Starkk is going wild we have to go."

Aizen hailed the bartender. "20 beers to go please."

* * *

Ulquiorra pulled the car up to a shanty looking house. There were several people hanging out outside. The inside looked like it was packed as well. We all got out of the car and made our way in through the crowd. Walking in through the door we made it into the kitchen. My eyes lit up when I saw an ice bucket filled with alcohol. This was perfect, but how was I going to sneak this out of the party?

Ulquiorra opened the fridge and took out a beer. He popped it open and began guzzling it.

While Ulquiorra was chugging his beer a tall man walked into the kitchen. He had long brown hair and some whiskers on his chin. He walked right up to Ulquiorra and knocked the beer out of his hand.

"What are you doing here?" He asked in a dark voice.

Ulquiorra looked panicked. "Hey what's up Starkk?"

"Don't what's up me what the hell are you doing here?"

"We're friends man, let's just party."

"I know you fucked my girl." He growled.

Ulquiorra gulped. "No, no. It's just a misunderstanding!"

"I know you fucked her!" He yelled grabbing Ulquiorra's collar.

Starkk dragged Ulquiorra by his neck out of the kitchen and threw him outside. Ichigo and I followed. I always loved getting the chance to see a good fight.

"FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!" The crowd chanted.

Starkk kicked Ulquiorra and he fell to the ground.

Ulquiorra got on his knees. "Hey man, please. Let's just talk this through and then have a good time?"

"Shut Up!" Starkk punched him in the face but he missed.

Ulquiorra dodged and turned around to punch Starkk straight in the face. Starkk staggered backwards trying to balance himself holding his bleeding nose.

"Why you-" Starkk cocked his fist and punched Ulquiorra in the jaw.

Ulquiorra fell straight to the ground again. Starkk started walking towards him with his fist balled up. Ulquiorra swung his leg around and kicked Starkk in the stomach. Starkk keeled over onto the ground, Ulquiorra took his chance and ran away.

"PUSSY!" The crowd yelled.

Once Ulquiorra ran off I went back inside with Ichigo.

"That was entertaining." Ichigo commented.

"That's great and all, but how are we going to steal some alcohol?"

Ichigo rubbed his chin. "Stay here I'll scope out an exit strategy."

Ichigo left and I went to the living room. I grabbed a beer and started to sip on it as I walked around the dancing people. A girl with blonde hair and turquoise eyes came up to me and pressed her chest against mine.

"Hey my name is Tia."

"Soi Fon." I nodded.

She ran her tan hands up my sides and we started to sway to the music.

"Let's dance."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever."

She started to grind against me putting one of my legs in between hers. I felt a soaking heat coming onto my thigh from her pussy. I wondered if she wasn't wearing underwear. She grinded on me harder and she leaned into my ear and gave a hot moan. We danced for a couple of songs. All of the sudden she peeled herself off of me.

"Thanks. " She said carelessly walking away.

Weird.

I ignored what just happened and I tried to find Ichigo. I was about to go in the kitchen when I felt someone grab my arm. I turned around and saw that a young man was grabbing me.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly.

"What's on your pants?" He asked me pointing to my thigh.

I looked down and noticed there was a large wet spot on my jeans. The residue seemed to be white and sticky. The man ran two fingers over the spot and brang it up to his nose to smell it.

"Dude you have lady jizz on your leg hahahaha!"

"Shut up!" I growled.

The guy took out his phone and snapped a picture of my leg.

"Hey man get Nnoitra in her he's got to see this!" He yelled.

"Fuck you!" I yelled.

I walked away and opened the door to the basement. I walked down the stairs to the sink. I got a sponge and some soap. Scrubbing the cum spot hard I tried my best to get the stain out. Once I was done I noticed that there were two kegs standing in the corner. Fucking score! I picked both up in each hand and headed up the stairs. When I made it out the door I came face to face with Ichigo.

"Where have you been?" He asked.

"I got the stuff let's go!"

"That's the guy!" I saw Tia pointing at me.

Oh shit.

Starkk walked up to Ichigo and I.

"What's on your leg?" He growled.

"Uhh err nothing haha." I said nervously.

"You made my girlfriend cum on your leg asshole!" He raised his voice.

So plan B.

I swung one of the kegs and decked Starkk in the face. I threw Ichigo the other keg and we started running. We made it out of the house, but that's when Starkk started firing a gun at us. I tried my best to keep my head low but then….

CRACK

I fell to the ground grabbing the side of my head. One of the bullets grazed my skull. I cried out as blood began to spill into my eyes.

Ichigo ran over to me. "Get up asshole he's going to kill us."

Didn't have to tell me twice. I sprung to my feet and grabbed the keg. Then we both took off running. We ran down the street a long ways when..

BAM!

A car hit Ichigo. He smashed onto the windshield and rolled onto the ground. I immediately ran to his side.

"Ichigo are you okay?"

He only grunted.

Two people got out of the car. I couldn't see them because of the blinding head lights.

"HEYYY SOI FON!" They cheered.

It was Aizen and Gin!

They came over and gave me a hug. Gin helped Ichigo to his feet.

"What's up girl?" Aizen asked.

I wiped some blood out of my eyes. "I'm actually in a hurry care to catch a ride."

"Anything for you!" Aizen winked.

In a few minutes we arrived at Orihime's house with all of the alcohol. Everyone cheered for us as we walked through the door. It wasn't long until we were drinking beers, doing jaegger bombs, and jell-o shots. I saw Ichigo hanging out with Rukia and it looked like they were flirting to! My shoulder and head throbbed in pain. I needed to find Orihime. I walked out onto the deck and I saw her talking to some girls and giggling. I walked over and tapped her shoulder.

"Oh Soi Fon I'm so glad you made it!" She tackled me in a bear hug.

"Hahaha I'm glad to see you to."

"Oh what happened to your shoulder?" She lightly stroked my arm.

"I had a little bit of a rough time, can you heal me?"

"Of course, come to my room."

She took my hand and led me through the crowd to her room. When we got inside I sat on the bed and she shut the door. I shrugged out of my bloody shirt and she rested her hands on my shoulders. A light began to glow from her hands and I felt a warm feeling inside. She had been healing me for only a few seconds when she leaned down and pressed her lips on mine. I deepened the kiss by leaning forward and raking my fingers in her silky hair.

She pulled away after a moment.

"I-I've never been with a girl before."

"There's a first time for everything." I smiled

She started to unbutton her shirt. "I have a surprise for you!" She sang.

"Yeah those are your breasts."

I had a certain sinking feeling in my stomach. Like I was doing something wrong. My heart was betraying me.

She came up to me and took my lips in hers again. Slowly pushing me back, I felt her undoing my belt. I sighed and pushed her away.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"I'm sorry, this just isn't how I pictured it."

"Why are you being such a bitch about it?" She had tears in her eyes.

"Look you're very beautiful. But there's someone else."

All of the sudden she started to gag. I leaned to the side and she spewed vomit right past my shoulder.

I am so out of here.

I walked out of the room and Gin was standing near by.

"Whats up, I thought you were getting laid?"

"I just can't do it."

Gin put a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't worry Soi Fon Life isn't about sex it's about determination, passion and spirit.

"Yeah you're right."

"It's not about putting shit in pussy it's about love!"

I nodded.

"It's about people, connections!"

"All about connections." I agreed.

"It's not about cock in ass, and tits, and butt hole pleasures.

"Not about butt hole pleasures." I repeated.

"It's not about rusty trombone, dirty sanchez.

"Please stop."

"Uh Cincinnati bow tie, and pussy juicy cock, and shit stained balls."

"Gin! Look there's someone else. Someone I've been waiting for. And I've been an idiot for not seeing it this whole time! I need to go."

I walked out of Orihime's house and took of running through the streets. I hope I'm not too late.

It took about half an hour for me to reach Urahara shoten. It was sometime in the early morning hours. I took off my shoes and crept inside. Quietly walking up the stairs I made my way to Yoruichi's room. Hopefully she was still up.

I opened the door to room and walked inside. Everything was dark but I could make out a figure sleeping in the bed. I walked over and sat down. I hesitantly reached out and ran a hand through her soft hair. She started to stir.

"Mmmm Soi is that you."

"Yeah its me." I said softly

She rolled over and opened her eyes a little. Her golden orbs seemed to glow in the darkness, absolutely beautiful.

"I thought you were going to party all night?"

I shook my head. "I wanted to come back home."

Her eyes drifted to my shoulder and she immediately sat up.

"What happened?" Her voice was laced with concern.

"Cero, it was an accident though."

She unbuttoned my shirt and pushed it off my shoulders. She gently ran her fingers over the wound. The hole was charred black and the skin around it had become red and agitated.

"I told you not to trust those guys."

"It was just an accident. Orihime healed the bleeding. She didn't heal the rest because she tried to put my clit in her mouth."

Yoruichi's eyes narrowed. "Why didn't you fuck her?"

"You seem surprised."

"You're a total player Soi Fon. It is surprising."

"I am not a player and I didn't fuck her because she wasn't you."

Yoruichi fell silent. She averted her gaze from mine. After a moment a small smile befell her lips. She looked into my eyes and brought her hand up to caress my cheek.

"Ok player why don't you come to bed."

She leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

"Ok."

I stood up and stripped to my underwear. Then I lifted the covers and slid in bed next to her. Putting my arm around her I pulled her backside into me. I sighed contently and closed my eyes for sleep.

I was almost asleep when I began to feel Yoruichi grind and writhe against me. She was hitting all the right places to. I felt a fire begin to pool in my lower stomach. I leaned in so I could whisper in her ear.

"You're going to have to stop that."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because you're making me really horny, and if you don't stop I won't be able to control myself."

She gave me no answer.

I brought my hand over her stomach just under her breasts and stroked her smooth skin. That's when she started to grind into me again. Fuck she was teasing me and I really didn't appreciate it.

I threw my leg around her waist so that her ass was pushed completely against my crotch. This position gave me more control of her body. I brought my lips up to her ear again. My breath made her shiver.

"Or is this what you want? You know you've denied me twice already. I said huskily.

Again no answer.

I licked her earlobe and nibbled on it a little. This action made her shudder. Sliding me hand up her stomach I reached her breasts. I traced my fingers around her nipple pinching it. She cried out. I wasn't sure if it was shock or pleasure. It's not like I hadn't done it before.

She had yet to say anything but I could feel her chest rise and fall rapidly under my hand. I started to massage her breast slowly, teasingly.

"What's it going to be Yoruichi?"

I started to grind into her, letting my hot breathe tickle her neck.

"It's your decision, I'll stop if you want me to."

I should have taken her silence as a sign to continue. But I had to hear it from her. I needed her to say it. I needed to know she wouldn't deny me again. I leaned back, pulling away from her.

"No don't!" she almost yelled.

She pulled my arms back around her.

"It feels good, please don't stop."

That was all I needed. I started rocking my hips with hers. Sucking, licking, and nipping her tender flesh. Her moans were becoming louder. I brought my hand down and started to rub her pelvic bone.

"Mmmm I've found my prize."

I rubbed my hand lower towards her opening. She and I were both only wearing underwear. I could feel the wetness soak through her panties.

"Mmm you're so wet."

I pulled her leg underneath me and fell in between her legs. I made busy kissing her neck, collarbone and ear lobe. When I was done I looked up into her beautiful golden eyes. Her eyes were filled with lust.

"I know what you meant." I whispered cupping her face with my hand. "I want you the way I don't want anyone else."

She smiled and put her hand over mine. "I want you, nobody else.

She pulled me down into a kiss. Her mouth was already open and I pushed my tongue inside. I hungrily explored her mouth as she tugged on my bra. Without breaking the kiss she got my bra off and I managed to get hers off as well. Yoruichi started to tentatively kiss and nip the pale skin on my neck. I arched my neck a little giving her more access.

Yoruichi opened her legs wider for me to have more room. I dipped my hips low and thrust into her. Her heated core left behind a trail of wetness on my lower stomach. She moaned loudly every time I thrust into her.

"Ahhh Soi Fon don't stop, keep doing that to me!"

I wanted to wait a while longer to cum but what she was doing to me was tearing away my self control. Her moans drove me wild. The way she clung to my back and her hot breath on my neck were enough alone to drive me over the edge.

"I think it's about time I've had my way with you." I smirked.

I ran my hands down her body as she held me close. I gave her one last heated kiss before I slid off her panties. I kissed her jaw, neck, collarbone, the valley between her breasts. When I came to her belly button I gave it a lick and she gasped.

"Soi Fon?"

"Mmm yes?"

"Be gentle ok?"

"Of course." I smiled lovingly

I ducked down and kissed her anklebone. I had no intention of rushing into things. If I was with another person I might have. But there was something special about Yoruichi. I wasn't in this or my own satisfaction. I wanted to please her. I wanted her to feel beautiful. I cared for her deeply and I was going to show her that.

I caressed her thigh with my finger as I kissed my way up her legs. When I came to her opening I hesitated. I lifted my head and looked into her anxious eyes.

"If you want me to stop-"

"I won't."

I held both of her legs in my arms. I ducked my head down and licked her from opening to her clit. She moaned loudly. I stopped and looked up, thinking I did something wrong.

"Please, don't stop."

I leaned down again and licked her opening. She gasped but I continued. I circled my tongue around her lips and pushed my tongue into her. She began to rock her hips, thrusting herself into my mouth.

"Ahh Soi Fon!"

She called my name and it encouraged me. I began to flick my tongue rapidly over her clit. She screamed and pushed her hips harder into me. Her whole body was tense and jerking out of control.

"Soi Fon I'm gonna cum."

I increased my speed and added a finger. Thrusting it into her. Then I added a second. With a loud scream I felt her walls clamp down around my fingers as she came over the edge. Her juices spilled into my mouth and I made sure to lick her clean.

I brought myself back up to her a kissed her gently. She brought a hand up to caress my face.

"Mmm that was amazing."

I smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

She got mischievous look in her eye.

"Hmm what about you though?"

I laughed. "Oh I'm fine."

She pushed me down and kissed me fiercely.

"Just a quikie." She winked

I leaned against the headboard as she trailed wet kisses down my body. When she got to my belly button she gave it a lick and I shuddered. She kissed my lower stomach and slowly took down my boxers.

"I'll be fast." She smiled.

Then she ducked her head in between my legs and I instantly felt pleasure course through my body.

"Aah Yoruichi!"

She continued to work on me. Sucking on my clit and nibbling it. I raked my fingers in her silky hair pulling her down into me. I moaned loudly loving the pleasure she was giving me. I've had sex before. But being with Yoruichi made it so much better.

I shoved her head lower into me. I felt her add a finger as she thrust in and out of me. With one final thrust I went over the edge moaning loudly. Yoruichi pulled out licking her lips like a thirsty cat.

Yoruichi crawled over to me and kissed me breathlessly.

"Satisfied?" I asked.

"Quite." She purred.

I pulled the covers over us and we nestled into bed. Yoruichi laid her head on my chest and I wrapped my arms securely around her.

I wish I could have this moment for life.

**OH MY GOD they finally had sex! I know some of you have been messaging me waiting for this to happen. So there you go!**

**Review please.**


	19. Aizen!

**Klong Pem Centrel**

**Thai Prison**

Alarms were going off everywhere as several swat teams rushed down the hall. The warden followed close behind. The prison was maximum security and several steel doors opened as they rushed down the hall. Red lights flashed on the ceiling signaling a riot, or most likely a breach. The final door pushed open to the prison. Everything was in a full out riot. Prisoners battled with swat teams. They had lit things on fire and were throwing them over the balconies. It looked as if it were raining fire. The warden pushed through the riot punching and shoving people to get by. He climbed up the stairs to his desired destination. He took out the key to the most highly guarded cell and he unlocked it. The cell looked empty save for a few personal items and posters on the walls. The warden noticed one of the posters was hanging loosely from the wall. He reached up and tore it down revealing a huge hole in the wall.

"AIZEN!" He screamed.

**Urahara Shoten**

I put some sugars in my coffee and stirred it inhaling the aroma. Yoruichi was busying herself making us breakfast. We had woken up late again. It was becoming sort of a habit. It had been months since I left Orihime's party to get Yoruichi back. Things were going rather nicely. We were acting like a normal couple. Holding hands, cuddling, going on long walks, oh and that thing you do when the lights go out. Due to that we usually always woke up late. Yoruichi always insisted on making the both of us breakfast. How could I complain?

Yoruichi walked over to the table with two plates and sat down next to me.

"Breakfast is served." She said in a cheery voice.

"Thanks babe." I kissed her lightly on the cheek.

She smiled sweetly at me.

"Eat up, I hope I didn't wear you down too much last night?" She asked mischievously.

I smirked and shook my head. "I'm a pro."

She ruffled my hair and kissed my head.

"You know some of the captains are having another beach day. I thought it would be fun to go."

"That sounds like a good idea." I muffled shoving eggs into my mouth.

She snaked her arms around my neck and pulled my ear to her mouth.

"Maybe we could find a private beach and have some fun?"

I nearly chocked on my food.

"What are you two doing?"

Yoruichi released me from her hold. I looked up and saw Toshiro standing in the doorway. He was wearing grey pants and a white tee.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"It's beach day. I came to get you guys. Ichigo should be coming soon as well."

I nodded. "I see."

Yoruichi waved. "There are leftovers in the skillet, help yourself."

Toshiro nodded and went over to the counter to pull out the plate.

"So Soi Fon?"

"Hmm what's that Toshiro?"

"Head Captain Yamamoto seems to be at peace these days. I'm assuming you haven't been going fucking crazy lately."

I sighed. "I've cooled my jets these days."

"Really so no wild parties? Cocaine? Hanging out with criminals?"

Yoruichi ran a hand through my hair. "I've calmed her down a little."

Toshiro turned back to his plate. "Looks like you're whipped Soi Fon."

"Shut up! When's the last time you got a BJ anyway?"

"Last Friday actually, and it only cost 20 dollars."

"Knock, knock. Hey guys!" Ichigo walked through the door with a bag in his hand.

"Got your swim suite?" Toshiro asked.

Ichigo held up his bag. "I got it in here."

I stood up. "I should go pack a bag to."

Yoruichi tugged my sleeve. "You already have a bathing suite that I bought you."

"I saw it. And there's no way I'm wearing that hideous purple thing, it's gay."

Yoruichi pouted. "But I bought it for you. You look so cute in it."

I pointed to myself. "What part of dyke don't you understand? I might look good in that swim suite if I were Courtney Love."

"Who's Courtney Love?"

I shook my head. "I'm going upstairs."

I was rummaging through my things and the only thing I could find was a black bikini top. I had no bottoms. So I thought the only thing that would go with it would be a pair of my red and black Calvin Keins. They were tight enough to look like a bathing suite. Once I had my suite and towel packed in a bag I decided to get dressed. I put on a dark grey button up and black pants. Once I was done I grabbed my hat and my bag and went down stairs. Everyone was at Kisuke's van loading in their belongings. It was decided Toshiro was going to drive. Ichigo took shot gun and I opted to cuddle with Yoruichi in the back.

I propped my chin in my hand and stared out the window. I felt Yoruichi leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Tired?" I asked.

"Mmm I'm just going to take a little nap is that ok?"

I interlaced my fingers in hers.

"Sure as long as you're comfortable."

"Mmmm." She snuggled closer into my shoulder.

Toshiro started the car and we started our long journey to the beach. I turned my attention to the window and my mind drifted.

_Well I'm on the Downester Alexa_

_And I'm cruising through Block Island Sound_

_I have charted a course to the vineyard_

_But tonight I am Nantucket bound_

_We took the diesel back in Montauk yesterday_

_And left this morning from the bell in Gardiner's bay_

_Like all the locals here I've had to sell my home_

_Too proud to leave I worked my fingers to the bone_

_So I could own my Downeaster Alexa_

_Yeah yeah yoooo yoooo_

_Yeah yeah yoooo yooo_

I think I had momentarily fallen asleep for a few minutes. When I opened my eyes Yoruichi was still asleep on my shoulder.

"Hey Toshiro how much farther-"

BAM!

The semi truck behind us slammed into our rear end. What the fuck? Yoruichi immediately woke up.

"What's going on?" She seemed panicked.

BAM!

The car slammed into us again.

"Toshiro he's doing it on purpose get in the other lane!"

"What the hell is going on?" Toshiro yelled.

He pulled into the next lane. The truck pulled up to our side and slammed into us. This time they were trying to run us off the road.

"What the fuck?" Ichigo screamed.

The truck pulled away and rammed into us again. This time it was strong enough to run us off the road. The car ran through the mud and the grass out of control. Toshiro did his best to keep the wheel straight. After a rough ride we finally came to a stop. We saw that the truck had stopped at the road and several men were running towards our car.

"Lock the doors!" Yoruichi yelled.

But it was too late. The men ripped open the doors and dragged us out putting bags over our heads. Everything went black.

The bag was ripped of my head sometime later. We were all sitting on the side of the road in some unknown location. My eyes focused and I looked at the men standing in front of me. One of them was pointing a gun at me. It was Mr. Hamachi!

"Well, Soi Fon we meet again." He sneered.

"What the fuck do you want?" I seethed.

"Where is Aizen?"

"What are you talking about?"

"A coupleof days ago Aizen escaped from a maximum security prison in Thai Land. You're the only one he talks to I know you know where he is."

He pulled out some papers from his pocket.

"I have letters you've written to each other."

Dear Aizen

I jumped on a Rhino today.

It was awesome.

Love, Soi Fon

Dear Soi Fon,

I threw some mashed potatoes

At the warden and blamed it on

Someone else. It was so funny.

Love, Aizen

"I had no idea he escaped."

"Let me paint you a picture. When Aizen left the Soul Society we met a Saudi Arabian noble that wanted to make some less than legal investments. We arrived he brought 200 pounds of gold bricks with him. It was a set up. We killed him and took the gold. We separated the gold in two trucks. The trucks split up. One made it back, one didn't. Aizen stole the other half, killing two of my men. I visited him in prison and asked him to turn the gold over in exchange for truce. He laughed in my face and gave me the finger."

"So what does this have to do with Soi? Yoruichi asked.

"Soi Fon was the last person to talk to Aizen. Where is he Soi Fon?" He yelled.

"I don't know." I pleaed.

"Fine looks like we're doing this the hard way."

Some of the goons stood up Ichigo and put a bag over his head.

"We're taking the ginger as insurance, you have three days to bring me Aizen or I kill the kid."

I gritted my teeth. We are so fucked.

**Wow tight situation. Review**


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